Hans In Colorado

Hey ya.

2010-09-17T12:42:00.005-06:00

I like to pop in every 6-7 months just to check in and drop a useless bit of information that, for whatever reason, I enjoy. Luckily, the interwebs exist just so I can do that.

This is a countdown widget to Conan O'Brien's new show coming this November to TBS. Mark your calendars, cause along with Ramadan and Yom Kippur, it'll be here before you know it!

I'm Bad. But this is good.

2010-03-10T18:36:00.003-07:00

If anyone's still paying attention to this thing, then I'm sorry for neglecting it for so long. This is the best way to keep up with what I've been up to:

Recent reviews by Hans T.

What's this?

Yelp! is a cool review site - anyone can write reviews on places they've been to, and what the liked/disliked about the experience. Anything from shops that sell skinny jeans to truck stops in Nebraska - figured they kinda went together. Ooogle the thingy above or click HERE to get your webbiness groove on.

Cheers, -H

Oh, there you are.

2009-11-12T17:56:00.007-07:00

What's three or four months amongst friends, eh?

Good to see you though, hope you're well. How's the fam?

Nice, Ang & Ry are great. Yea, we got married two months ago...

It was good to get the 'ol band back together too. Here's us boys jumping over a small child...

That's not really Andy - it's an Andy dummy hanging from a crane overhead. The only folks that didn't make it were our wacko neighbors that can't seem to control their kids.

Had to "shoo" Wolf Bitzer off the lawn a couple times, that guy just doesn't quit.

We're in the midst of buying a house, which is quite the challenge, but found just what we were looking for:

Home Sweet Home, in technicolor.

Oooh, didja see what's at the local corner store now?

2 Below is a close 2nd only to Skinny Dip for seasonal favorites. Already picturing a nice evening in the backyard around the fire pit with a couple 2B's...

That'll do for now. Too much too fast is never a good thing - in blogging or in buffet lines.

Cheers, -H

How We Roll

2009-08-27T13:24:00.000-06:00

It's the name of the game...

Back from NYC & Wedding Planning

2009-07-28T13:09:00.003-06:00

We made it back from New York - but more of that in the EOWR NYC Special Edition coming out this Friday.

In the thick of Weddingpalooza '09. Getting those RSVPs back, keep 'em coming too. And here's a little taste of what you can expect at our ceremony:

See you all VERY SOON!!!! -H

Bikes + Movies = Brilliant

2009-07-07T17:56:00.004-06:00

Guess what's rolling to your neck of the woods this summer...

October 28-31 in Denver - I'll see you there. Check out the website for details on movies and when/where.

In the meantime, Jeff & I hit the Blue Sky trail on Sunday. I really took for granted the resevoir in my Camelbak and just took three bottles of water instead. If I need to fix something along the lines of a Ziploc freezer bag with a couple straws and some duct tape, I'll make it happen - and still take the 3 bottles too. It was pretty hot, humid as hell and nothing but sun. Needless to say my pale force complexion took a beating.

If you happen to speak Swedish, could you help me out here?

Wow. Speak the language or pay the consequences.

Sorry it's been so long. See you soon. -H

Hey - How are ya?

2009-06-18T17:37:00.003-06:00

Sorry it's been so long, lots of wedding planning going on. Some stuff just takes precedence. So let's get back at it. I offer you this for the time being:

For now, be well. -HIC

So we've been busy - wedding busy.

2009-05-18T17:18:00.006-06:00

The kind of busy that once things get moving, it's a steaming freight train that doesn't stop or even start to slow down until Uncle Carl is shot-gunning beers (which he smuggled in himself) and doing keg stands at the reception. Then it's just an awkward family moment/liver failure and then downhill from there.

Take the following for example: Jeff & Shauna's wedding was a little more than a week ago. Here's some of the best moments from the photo booth. An awesome night. Go freaking nuts.

End of week ramblings 5/8/09

2009-05-08T07:31:00.000-06:00

So it's been just me and the kid for the past two weeks. I think we've faired quite well since Ang has been gone.

You'd think being away from your Mom for the first time ever, and for two weeks no less, you have a mess on your hands. But with the help of Nana & Papa, AmBam & Yessie, and Rock Band, time has flown by. Needless to say I'm beyond excited to see the old lady - just starving for some conversation outside of "Who's your favorite Jonas Brother?" And my answer is Lenny, the bastard Jonas son. He's the one with the real voice while the others have those made-for-Diznee Channel faces, and Lenny's not a fan of skinny jeans.

On to the review! We tried on the suits/tuxes for Jeff's wedding yesterday. I opted for the powder blue with ruffles.

However, after trying on, it was pointed out to me that the blue clashes with my severe lack of skin tone. So I went with the tan suit and pink tie, a close 2nd choice. Looks good though, and we get to wear flip flops - badass.

For those fans of nice weather, next week is going to be incredible here in the NoCo - just in time for Bike To Work Week. The City of Fort Collins even installed five new huge bike racks around downtown - a welcomed new addition:

Every time I'm down there, those things are full too. Probably helps they're in front if the Trailhead and The Rio too. Give em a try, it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to find a place to park, that's fer damn sure!

Seems like the time is definitely right to pull the Sanchez out and take the whip to work in the mornings. And if you do ride to work, don't stop to take that interview cause you'll look like a douche after and wish you hadn't...

That's it from this side. Have a weekend of it all and Congrats Jeff & Shauna! -H

Back On Topic

2009-05-06T21:29:00.003-06:00

I know it been a while, so how bout something MTB related?

Ah, refreshing. Now if the kiddo could ride some downhill... She probably can, and kick my @$$ while she's at it. All new & up-to-date EOWR coming Friday!! Great weather till then, so get yourself some.

End of week ramblings 5/1/09

2009-05-01T07:30:00.003-06:00

So it's been a while and a lot has happened. Ang is in India so I'm playing "Single Father," Michael Keaton took the nicer sounding title...

Jeff & Shauna's wedding is now just a week away...

And New York Times acclaimed artist, Swobo Minister of Mis-Information, and official Mayor of Drunkingham Stevil Kinevil is having another showing of his bits & pieces at OneOnOne in MPLS this weekend...

So there's a ton of great stuff happening all at the same time. It can become a bit overwhelming at times that you may take some things for granted. What it's like to kick back and enjoy a movie with your kid - riding your bike to the beer store for a six pack - calling your long distance friends & loved ones just to check in (istead of drunk dialing). You start to get all caught up in the hustle of life, then something happens to set you straight, and usually it's a shake up of the worst kind.

I'll close with this:

If at any point this week, you wondered if sh!t could get any worse - just know that it can. So get out there this weekend knowing that you can get completely truck nuts crazy, and head back in to the trenches Monday and start looking forward to the weekend ahead once again. Cause it's always gonna be there, even after you're gone. Go on out and get your share.

It's the weekend - Kick back & relax. RIP RB, -H

Goodbye King

2009-04-30T23:51:00.004-06:00

The world lost an incredible guy today.

I feel truly lucky to have know Rich Bircumshaw as a coworker and friend. I'm still pretty speechless at the whole thing, so I've decided to "retweet" my buddy Corbu Stathes' post from today. Rich, Corbu and the other guys in the Clear Channel Sports Grotto were a pretty tight knit group, so it's a bit hard to see the leader, The King if you will, leave us. Here's Corbu's post, and check out his blog HERE.

"I've never had a friend die before.

I've had relatives pass away as well as people I knew in passing or was close to at one time, but never someone whom I had just seen two weeks ago.

That changed last night when Rich Bircumshaw passed away after suffering a stroke in the early hours of Wednesday morning.

The death of "the King" as he was known around the radio stations he worked for, was sudden, unexpected and knocked me off of my feet.

Rich, who absolutely hated being called Rick and was often, was one of the greatest guys I have ever met. Sure, he could be a real S.O.B. if he was pissed off at you, but if he cared about you at all, then he cared about you forever.

He had a fuse that could be lit by a passing breeze and a wit that was even quicker. Anybody who has met Rich, heard him on the radio, or attended a function hosted by him has smiled at least once because of something he said.

Whether it was hearing that Cecil Sapp was "a grown man, dog" as he scored a touchdown or he deemed someone "worth the climb", Rich always had a way with words that could leave you shaking your head while your lips creased into a grin. His voice was truly unique in its sound and the message it delivered.

Because of his work as the News Director at Clear Channel Northern Colorado and as the Voice of the CSU Rams, Rich was known and revered all over Ft. Collins, Greeley, and all points in between. He related to the big-timers just the same as the common man or woman, giving them respect if they deserved it and letting them know if they didn't.

For me, he was a mentor and an advocate.
He was a part of many memorable and funny lunches.
He was a part of many lunches that were nothing but blowing off steam.
He was a bevy of quotes.
He was a belly of laughs.
He was a true friend if you were lucky enough to call him that.

There is no doubt in my mind that Rich got up to Heaven and Peter read off the list of people as they walked in.
"Okay, next let's go to Rick Bircumshaw."
"Uh, it's Rich, Saint Pete."
"Oh, you're right, Rich."

Rich, you were awesome, man. You will always be missed and loved.

The world is worse off without you."

End of week ramblings 4/17/09

2009-04-17T07:20:00.000-06:00

Quickie EOWR this week, a big weekend ahead - but more on that later. Let's get right at it.

All the headlines these days revolve around pirates and the sh!tty economy. Luckily there's a gal like Susan Boyle sent to shock and awe all of us.

If you're not one of the 20 million people who have seen this video, click HERE. Will someone please give this lady a truckfull of cash?

While on the subject of music, one of the best bands in 20 years has released a new song.

I saw these guys in Denver a couple years ago, and it was mindblowing. And the only time I've ever gotten fired up and headed into the pit at a show. Andrew and the boys have been hard at work in the studio and have a new song available for free download from their site. Get it HERE, then rock your face off.

The trifecta of bachelor parties is set to kick off tomorrow night in Denver. I'm betting it will only start off something like this:

And end up looking something like this:

Since we're all getting married this summer, and we're all standing up for each other - Dook, Hefe, and myself have chosen to join forces and get it knocked out all at once. Probably a bit easier on the liver that way too.

I'm off to close out the week before we put a huge dent in it tomorrow night. Just gotta remember a change of pants and bail money.

Have a fall down weekend! -H

End of week ramblings 4/10/09

2009-04-10T07:31:00.001-06:00

Happy eggs, pastel colors, jelly beans, Jesus and rabbits weekend.

I understand the meaning of Easter - what I don't get is the relation to eggs and rabbits. I'm sure there's a meaning, but to me, it's just another creepy dude at the mall in a costume making small kids cry. And that sh!t is cheap, awesome entertainment.

Moving along, the days are longer and getting warmer, and I've gotten lazier and fatter. Moving really takes it out of you. I've not been on a bike in over a week and I can feel it in my lazy aches and pains. My favorite position looks something like this:

Minus the shoes with buckles - anyone who knows me knows I rock the velcro shoes. El Jefe mentioned starting up a post-workday Wednesday night ride - that sounds like a damn good idea.

The official kickoff to velo-season kicks off tomorrow night in Denver:

It's the first year for AC in Denver and is shaping up to be quite a shindig. Here's what it looked like in Minneapolis last weekend for AC3 in the Twin Cities

Party kicks off at 8p, for info & directions go HERE and then go there. PBR, bikes, and cupcakes - can't go wrong.

So if you're off this weekend forgetting what you gave up for Lent, eating fish on Friday, or nibbling on Cadbury eggs, don't forget to send out invites for Easter dinner

It's the weekend - I'm drinkin' if you're buyin'. -H

Happy Anniversary

2009-04-07T20:02:00.007-06:00

76 years and 1 day ago, the masses took to the streets...

And thank God they did. Prohibition ended 76 years ago today, back when the government was telling us what morals to believe and what was healthy for us, pre-Bush Administration.

Maybe you've heard this famous line from Super Awesome American Ben Franklin:

And if you needed further evidence from a higher power...

Did you need a reason to find out if beer goes along with bikes and big wheels, well - one need look no further than The Urban Assault Ride. Josh & Jackie hit the road for the season, and kick it off in Tucson this year. You can add in sunburns and saguaro, but it just doesn't fit with the "B3-scheme"

The UAR hits Tucson April 19th, grab your sunscreen, spandex and sign up HERE.

Back here Friday with a EOWR recap - for now, I'm off to celebrate an important anniversary.

Cheers, -H

End of week ramblings 4/3/09

2009-04-03T07:29:00.001-06:00

Oh man, whatta week! Let's get right at it.

One of the main reasons I started writing this here bloggins is to keep in touch with good friends and family, letting everyone know of all the excitement and crazy stuff we're always doing, the occasional nibble of bike advocacy info, and some naughty words & profanity sprinkled in for good measure.

So if you come by for more of one than the other, or whatever you happen to stop by for, I certainly appreciate your support and even chance, momentary glance. Much thanks.

It was moving week, and it was here and gone with the blink of an eye. We had the huge support of Ang's Dad and my future brosef-in-law Jesse. So we packed all the stuff in boxes and thew threw it on the truck and shipped it to the new joint.

I never will underestimate having a garage again. We have a massive crawlspace that could double as a ranch-style house for a family of little people, but still - no man cave. Angie's cool with me fixing and tuning the bikes on the kitchen table though.

The big 2-8. Pushing 30. The thing that freaks me out the most about turning 28 today is not that I have gray hairs, or anything like that. What's weird is having the 10 year high school reunion this summer. I'm thinking of skipping the whole thing since we've all reconnected on FaceSpace... Unless there's an open bar - then I'm there.

I'll be sleeping off a hangover the better part of tomorrow, so if it's not blizzarding where you're at (30's and snow in the NoCo tomorrow) then my best wishes to you in weekend bummer life avoidance.

Happy happy, -H

Does moving really excite anyone?

2009-03-31T15:54:00.002-06:00

I can honestly say that moving makes me a bit disgruntled. And it's carried over to work, cause today every salesperson sucks. So as a midweek treat - it's time for a little EES to soothe the beast in us all.

End of week ramblings 3/26/09

2009-03-27T07:46:00.002-06:00

Thought about digging out of the snow yesterday, but after the office closed early yesterday, Jeff & I came up with a better option.

Hypothermia be DAMNED!! When all was said and done, about a foot of the white stuff fell on the NoCO. Making the trails this weekend a bit sticky in places. Give it time to dry folks. For now, let's get this rolling shall we?

It was a bad week for guys on bikes. First up we have Today Show host Matt Lauer - who's least favorite song is now "Grandma Got Ranover By A Reindeer"

Welcome Back Matt, here's to ya and wishing you a speedy recovery. Milk that sling for all it's worth - like a better parking in the NBC garage; Chris Matthews can walk a little farther and could use the exercise.

Also taking an unscheduled trip over the bars this week was Captain WOW! himself:

The moment you crash in a pack like that must be like: "This is really going to suck cause 100 other guys are about to crash on me. I hope they dig me out of the pile soon." If Lance still runs the Giro, AND le Tour after smashing his collarbone mere months before - he truly deserves the title of Captain WOW! Maybe he needs some of Michael Phelps' super-human power giving super weed... That'll speed up the healing.

I found a new bike blog this week out of NYC, and it just so happens it's got a catchy title. I don't know a lot about BBNYC, but I know I like it. Critical Mass info, how to build a bike in NYC, and I found this awesome pic on the site:

Oh yea, it's the last Friday of the month... if you're riding anything less than 4 wheels, then get on it.

Happy Weekend. Get yourself 48 hours of mandatory fun. -H

Snow? In Colorado? IN MARCH???

2009-03-26T20:40:00.004-06:00

It was bound to happen...

and I'll happily take it over wildfire season. Thankfully we'll definetly use the moisture. Unthankfully, the trails will be a wreck this weekend, and douchbags will fill the slopes at the resorts.

Sounds like a good weekend to stay home and pack.

End of week ramblings 3/20/09

2009-03-20T08:02:00.001-06:00

Happy Friday,

The lows, the highs, and regardless - Friday will always return. And for that I'm grateful. Let's jump right in...

First the lows... I've had more than my fair share of dental work over my few years - crowns, sealants, cavities, braces, wisdom teeth pulled, oral surgery... I even had two extra canine teeth (the pointy vampire-like ones) extracted that grew in my lower jaw, which just adds to my mutant like qualities.

But I also got my first root canal this week. Luckily, my dentist is also a family friend, and has the most "techy" office I've ever. Watched a movie while they were drilling and filling, no pain whatsoever. Already scheduled for my regular cleaning on Apr. 15th. Will get some pics too. And maybe some kids toothpaste - that stuff tastes awesome.

In a week of "downs" you know there's got to be a few "ups" in there...

Found some cool news on an event that originated in MPLS, and making it's way to Denver next month. And if you like art, bikes and beer, then chances are they've also got your number...

ARTCRANK started just a few years ago in Minneapolis as cool poster exhibition for local artists showcasing bikes, bike people, bike stuff, beer, you know - the good things in life. It's such a huge hit in the Twin Cities like here at good ol GeneO's OneOnOne...

...that Josh and the rest of the bike-art-braintrust are bringing the event to Denver as well. April 11th is the go date for the opening night kickoff party. Do yourself a HUGE favor - click THIS to check the site for more info. Then we can look like this:

Aww... Look at us three. See how much fun? Well, it is. So bring friends.

That's all I've got this week. Mmmm... 48 hours of freedom... Break yourself off a piece and enjoy. -H

Today, I'm sporting my shamrock manties...

2009-03-17T07:40:00.004-06:00

Dye the river green, have your 10am shot of Jameson, and pick the friend no one else likes to be DD. You know what time it is...

Ahh finally - the one day a year that I don't look like an @$$hole for drinking green beer.

Unlike many of the green vomiting, drunken revelers, I am Irish 25% of the time - all the time. And I can prove it. My Grandpa on my Mom's side died on the toilet with a bottle of whiskey in hand. I picture it in my head with "Oh Danny Boy" in the background and can't help but shed a tiny tear. Oh and he was 100% Irish. Mom will even tell you he was a gigolo. Good ol Gramps...

So sip a Shamrock Shake and grab yourself a handful of leprechaun @$$, since those little bastards never REALLY wear green, cause today we're all Irish - or more so than normal.

Erin Go Bragh. -H

Oooh BONUS!!

2009-03-13T22:14:00.003-06:00

Not GQ, not Reader's Digest, but ridiculous enough...

End of week ramblings 3/13/09

2009-03-13T15:33:00.006-06:00

Looks like we're 2 fer 2 on Friday the 13th's here, eh? But remember, it's all a bunch of hullabaloo - fingers crossed...

Here's a great video displaying the great American determination:

Who says the bike can't solve problems? Took care of that snowstorm there, and made damn sure that cold fella had his brewskies.

This week, there's also a handful of folks in Washington DC rallying for the use of bikes in more open spaces. Team IMBA and friends are checking in and making sure there's going to be plenty of knobby-tired goodness to go 'round for years to come. Much thanks guys! Follow their progress HERE.

Had the opportunity to meet up with the good folks at Diamond Peaks Mountain Bike Patrol this week too. If there's a group of folks that knows how to mix their bikes and trails with beer and pizza - it's this crew. 1st patrollers meeting is Wednesday March 25th at New Belgium in FTC - yea-yea brewskies.

On the wedding front - we're officially just under 6 months to go and starting to feel a bit behind and under the gun. Need to finalize save the dates and send; invitations, registry, etc... still doing ok with it all, but it seems like a lot and it's really coming up quick. We've decided to give ourselves a break and wait to jump back into it after the move. All of a sudden, packing up all my crap and moving it across town never seemed so fun.

Sorry for the delay this week. Too much on my plate this week, but I'll be on top of it all next week. There's also my Twitter feed to keep track of me there too. So quit yer bitchin'...

You've got 48 hours and counting to avoid the bummer life, so get going already.

Cheers, -H

End of week ramblings 3/6/09

2009-03-06T07:24:00.001-07:00

Happy Friday,

Elizabeth, my boss at work, is a pretty cool lady. She's English from England, uses awesome words like "whilst" and "rubbish", plays video games, sharing snacks and funny clips of animals doing crazy sh!t on the internet. So for Elizabeth, let's start this one out with a good laugh.

I have never been so close to peeing my pants at work until I saw that video. I'm pretty sure I guffawed out loud. And for those of you who don't know what exactly a "guffaw" is, it's the laugh you make when you're being tickled just before it's no longer funny and you're about to kick someone's ass.

Now, is it just me or did the entire country get a Twitter account this week?

Twitter is like Facebook for folks with ADD. Just status updates - that's all. It could read something like:

hansincolorado I think I'd like to write a sentence. So there.

And that's about it. Everyone's life - 140 characters at a time. If you're bored with your life, follow mine on Twitter HERE.

The gang at Swobo has been spring cleaning a came up with a bunch of cool stuff they're blowing out - all top notch stuff at ridiculous prices.

I got a pair of JMak's while in Portland last year and they never made it back to the closet, drop trou, in the wash, back on - friggin love those schpantz. Check out the whole lot HERE...

There's a good group of folks here in the NoCo trying to make the city streets and country trails safer for folks on two wheels. The Diamond Peaks Mountain Bike Patrol along with FC Bikes are doing phenomenal work with trail work, education, and just getting more folks out on the bike.

DPMBP is hosting their "get to know you, us & them" type meeting Monday at New Belgium in FTC. El Hefe', Ruggedy Andy and yours truly will be in presence to get the lowdown and we'll do our damndest not to keep it on the downlow... Fo sho. New Belgium is one of their sponsors and even donates ca$h from the beer sales at Tour De Fat in FTC to DPMBP - pretty damn rad if you ask me. Get clickin' for details.

I've given you a good starting point, so find a little something on here that tickles your fancy and put your own twist on it. Why not, it's the weekend and it's only 48 short hours till Monday.

Get at it. -H

Why "YouTube" is here to stay

2009-03-04T20:17:00.003-07:00

You thought Americans were the only people desperate enough to do anything for their 15 minutes of fame...

This must be the Japanese equivalent of "I Love Money".... or "The Today Show."

End of week ramblings 2/27/09

2009-02-27T07:23:00.001-07:00

In a word... Ug. It's been a rough week, sickness has been sweeping the HIC household. And it's all this guy's fault:

It's name: Streptococcus. It's nickname: Bastard. I haven't had strep since high school, and it kicked my @$$. Nothing in the lungs, but man it left my throat swollen and my sinuses were so clogged, it felt my head was in a vice. Suck x 10. The girls have been doing ok and took great care of me. Jelly Belly's are the cure for any ailment, and they knew it. As well as a truckload of antihistamines.

Even with the sickness, I managed to squeak in a 4 hr MTB ride with El Hefe' & Ruggedy Andy on Sunday morning. I noticed that climbing 4 miles of a rocky trail is a lot easier than riding down 4 miles of rocky trail with no suspension. A tip of the hat to the folx at Fox for making a kick butt shock. A wag of the finger to my brain for realizing that afterward. Damn hindsight... Also, unfortunately due to a camera not being on hand, the latest entry to "The Scab Journal" will go undocumented - Jeff took a bit of air, and took an unscheduled rest atop a cactus. Immediately after, it looked something like this:

Bottle, pouty face and all. Unfortunately, his - and Andy's crash last summer - means I'm next. Not looking forward to that.

Wedding stuff is coming together real quick - we must be kicking butt too because any book we pick up is putting is way ahead of schedule for our date. Ang & I had some fun playing around with who will wear what:

Pasty-pale white skin goes with white tuxedo, right?

And now something of no relevance whatsoever... In homage of the chimpanzee who went after that old lady in the NE last week, here's a video of a monkey washing a cat:

This of course, right before the cat was ripped to shreds after refusing to be blow dried.

Last Friday of the month, so watch the streets for Critical Mass, or better yet - JOIN!

Happy Friday. -H

Sick

2009-02-23T10:11:00.005-07:00

Feeling about a 4 out of 10 today. Got a Dr's appointment at 8:45 though, and already back home. Bad thing though, it's strep... mixed with sever sinus congestion... and it ain't nice. It feels exactly like this looks:

And that ain't pretty no matter how you look at it. Along with some over-the-counter stuff, there's really only one thing that can cure sickness...

That's the one vice I have when I'm sick - Jelly Belly's. Sours or the Island Punch... maybe blueberry too, and juicy pear. F-You buttered popcorn!!

Time to get some sleep and chillax and let the meds do their thing. Yay drugs!

End of week ramblings 2/20/09

2009-02-20T07:55:00.000-07:00

Oh Happy Friday!!! It was a short week for me, but a hellova crazy one. Let's start here:

The judicial system was dealt a low blow late yesterday...

I received my first jury summons in the mail. It's a little strange to me that it says "State Of Colorado" but the postmark says Albuquerque, NM. Figure THAT out!!!

YO-bama dropped by for a visit this week to give us workin'/non-workin'/middle-class/normal (pick one) folk some cash, and to check out the musuem's 465 solar panels. Greenergy... that's what I'm calling it - patent pending...

Meanwhile a bit further north, one of my favorite NoCo singletrack trails was burning.

Bobcat Ridge Natural Space is actually owned by the City of Fort Collins, and was purchased as a part of a public lands reclamation deal in 2000 after another fire tore thru the area. As of Thursday afternoon had burned 52 acres and was about 70% contained. Hopefully it will be all wrapped up and ready to ride this weekend - it's supposed to be in the high 50's and El Hefe is biting at the bit to test ride a new 29'er. Giggidy!!

In other news... You know what's wrong with television right now? VH1. Now some may argue that MTV is worse, but nothing is as bad right now. The whole damn network is spin-off's of spin-off's. I Love New York-Real Chance-Flavor Flav-Bret Michaels-different "C list" celebrity-Charm School-Herpes Of Love... It's the most repulsive thing on tv. IT'S NOT EVEN ENTERTAINING!!!! It's a bunch of binge drinkers at a frat party with cameras. But finally, someone is speaking out about it besides me.

The Onion - Saying the things we're all thinking... If Wolf Blitzer, Bill O'Reiley, Jon Stewart and Anderson Cooper got in a brawl like that... Oh man, that would be awesome. You know they talk sh!t about each other off camera anyway.

Have a skank-free weekend... or don't. -H

Randomness

2009-02-19T11:40:00.004-07:00

Some folks just suck as parents.

Damn, if there was only am attachment so you wouldn't have to hold on to the stroller... How are you gonna drive your segway, and hold on to your $5 soy macchiato now?

End of week ramblings 2/13/09

2009-02-13T07:41:00.001-07:00

1st - I don't believe in the whole Friday the 13th hubbub. What happens, happens. You stub your toe? Black cat cross your path? Beat that damn cat and ice up your foot. That superstitious stuff doesn't fly here... knocking on wood.

2nd - Happy Early Awkward lastminute shopping-diamonds are too expensive-ending up with chocolates-hoping that was enough-getting too drunk at dinner-passing out on the couch-Valentines Day. Hopefully it won't be that great of a night for ya. I did get you a card though...

We're in a recession, it's about fiscal responsibility people. Some folks say that Valentine's is one of those made-up-for-money greeting card company holidays. Like we're only supposed to really enjoy our loved one's company one night out of the entire year. Couldn't be farther from the truth - I'll need a ride home on St. Patty's Day, and the drive home, via Taco Bell of course, is time well spent.

Recap time...

A-Rod's a juicer - SHOCK!!! A professional baseball player took "performance enhancing drugs"???? One of the biggest and best in the game, the guy that's on the posters in your kid's room, is a cheat. Gotta admit, he deserves all the flack he's getting and then some. How many SI covers has he been on, and his last one will be:

It's a long fall from grace A-Hole, er... A-Rod. Man, it's a good thing I gave up on professional sports a long time ago cause I'd really hate to give a sh!t about this guy.

Good news for the last true sportsmen/sportsmen, of the winter variety anyway. The 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver start in just 364 days in the Great White North. Curling, Biathalon, Skeleton and all the other totally obscure winter sports (hockey, skiing, snowboard) are coming back. And in an attempt to market toward a younger audience, Snowboarding Parallel Giant Slalom and Snowboard Cross will make their debut with guaranteed badass crashes. Whenever an Olympics is coming around, the host city always parades around the mascots, most of which never make any sense and have names that I can't pronounce:

I'm noticing a strong resemblance to the large, hairy, yeti-like fellow in the center:

Angie & I are hoping to honeymoon in Vancouver well after the wedding and Olympics in Spring next year. Only been there once and managed to get lost on bike. It's a hellova awesome city to get lost in though.

Pic by istargazer

Speaking of Weddingpalooza '09 - we've picked a location. It may look familiar to many of you:

Maybe not that specific room, or that many people, but definitely that many margaritas... The Agave Room at The Rio Grande in FTC is where we'll be throwing the party of all parties, after the quickest ceremony you've ever seen. Keep an eye out for save the dates!

Before I split, here's one more card celebrating the upcoming President's Day holiday,

When you care enough... to hit send. Happy Friday. -H

Fun With Kids

2009-02-09T19:42:00.005-07:00

Honestly, what's the fun of having kids if you can't prank them once in a while? Here's a couple fun examples.

#1 - What's possibly more fun than going to Disneyland? Not going at ALL!!!

No lines, no insane temperatures, and all the fun of the real thing at a fraction of the price, and of the fun. Disneyland... who needs it?

#2 - Who wants free stuff? You know who has the best free stuff? The dentist!! Every time you visit you get a lesson on flossing and proper oral hygiene, hot-diggity-DAMN!! Not to mention the top notch drugs.

It's your lucky day friends, I'm feeling generous... Sealants and whitening trays on me!

#3 - The pet that ran off.

"Don't cry honey, it's gonna be okay... Daddy put up 'Missing' signs for Punkin..."

"You know why Punkin left honey? Cause you didn't keep your room clean like Mommy asked. But if you do your homework right now, AND finish your dinner, she just may come home." When kids aren't looking take cat out of closet.

When all else fails, nothing beats Spongebob and a giant bowl of cereal on Saturday Morning, or an afternoon bike ride.

End of week ramblings 2/6/09

2009-02-06T07:35:00.001-07:00

A pretty mellow week, but first lets start with something bicycle related. Look who showed up this week:

My new Swobo Sanchez showed up on my doorstep. It's a fixed gear, which is the most stripped-down kind of bike out there. Just one gear, chain, cranks, frame, seat & wheels - that's about it. It's "fixed" because there is no free-wheel action, the pedals are always moving, and the only way to slow is down is to use your legs to slow the momentum - a great leg workout. There's one thing missing:

It sounds a bit freaky at first and it a bit strange to get used to, and if you forget to keep you legs moving, you just may take a trip over the bars. Josh has one that I rode a bunch of times while doing the UAR last summer and I got to love it. Swing by and give it a shot sometime, but bring a helmet - or not. There's also an ER nearby.

There a cool program in Denver that allows folks to get fit while they perform a little "sweat equity" to earn a bike of their own. Check out the story from CBS4 HERE.

Big sports week... Steelers won the Super Bowl - I only watch football once a year, and many are saying this was one of the best bowls ever; I wouldn't know. I'm too busy watching the commercials. Here's my #1 pick from this year.

That sh!t is the bee's knees.

I posted earlier this week about Michael Phelps getting caught smoking a bong. I still think it's a little naive of him to be thinking that going to a college house party and not figuring that someone would have a camera phone. I'm not pissed or upset about it. Was it a stupid mistake - yea. Should be be punished - no. When it comes down to it, he's just a normal guy under the world's biggest microscope. I think he's unbelievably talented, and incredibly lucky to have the support of his sponsors. He fessed up, and apologized. Let's leave him be, wish him best of luck at World's in Rome this summer, and simply hope we'll see him in 2012 in London.

One the homefront, Angie and I are busy at work laying out the logistics for our part of Weddingfest '09. Weddingfest includes: Duke & Shelli, El Hefe' & Shanaynay, us and anyone else we don't know of yet. I'm not gonna lie - it's freaking me out a bit, but Angie keeps me level and just tells me "Don't think too much about it. Go on a ride!" Thanks babe! Quite a busy summer in the works, I'm just looking forward to the parties and the afterglow.

I'll wrap up this week in a quote from 30 Rock. It's an homage to the onslaught of formal wear headed in my direction this summer:

Liz: "Jack, why are you wearing a tux?"

Jack: "It's after six. What am I, a farmer?"

God Bless Tina Fey. Happy Friday. -H

Phelps + Marijuana = 2nd fastest 400 Freestyle EVER!

2009-02-03T17:22:00.001-07:00

Come on man...!

Really...?

You've been in the public eye for a couple months, been in half of the commercials on TV, won 8 gold medals, been on every possible morning, daytime, evening & late-night interview/sketch show/news program, and for whatever reason thought it'd be a great idea to smoke a bowl at someone's house you might have had Chem 101 with FULLY KNOWING that everyone has a damn camera on their phone these days...

Really...?

You don't have a private house in the backwoods of Maryland, with an indoor pool shaped like your crooked nose, where you can live privately, IN SOLITUDE IF YOU SO WISH, possibly even grow and smoke your own weed without anyone ever knowing, all of which you bought and paid for in ca$h from the hundreds of millions of dollars of endorsement deals you have/had...

Really...?

Now, I've been known to puff the ganj a bit in my day... But I remembered to take off my gold medals before I did, and also close the doors & windows - it was the paranoia thing, didn't want anyone to see or take pictures of me smoking. Get the story from the London Times HERE...

Also... Let's get rad-tarded

2009-01-30T09:44:00.008-07:00

Forgot a couple things, sue me - it's Friday.

Last Friday of the month means 1 thing:

It's time to go to mass. Remember - critical mass doesn't block traffic, it IS traffic.

Also, skip the football and all the jackass commercials and head to the Twin Cities:

It's Stupor Bowl '09 boys & girls, and 1st place Mens & Womens finishers get custom bags, everyone gets beer - life is good.

End of week ramblings 1/30/09

2009-01-30T07:28:00.001-07:00

The 4th week of 2009 in the books, and what a week it has been. But before that, lets flash back to September 08 for just a moment. Remember Josh & Jackie - the brain children behind the New Belgium Brewing Urban Assault Ride? Well, I found another shining "Hans Moment"... Clink HERE and keep an eye at the 5min mark where we're riding the runt bikes. Nothing like embarrassing yourself to make one a bit humbled, good time though.

In other happenings, I stumbled across this pic from PETA's new "chain" campaign:

That's Carey Hart in front of his burned-out trailer that caught fire (on the way to this very photo shoot). Now I don't usually condone the crazy antics of your typical PETA enthusiast - see last weeks quote about the cute & delicious pig. But lets set a few things straight: #1 - Fur, for the only purpose of fashion, IS murder. #2 - People that have dogs and just keep them tied up all the time, or sitting out on the porch year-round (my neighbors), are dirtbags. I 100% whole-heartedly agree, life on a chain is no life at all. Thumbs up PETA on this one.

Also in the interweb lives this:

Good ol Graham owns/runs a company called Resource Revival. They make cool stuff out of old bike parts - just OLD bike parts. They reuse almost everything - tires, cogs, wheels... if it broke off a bike, Graham's making a picture frame out of it.

A bit more local, the timing was right in Estes Park, Colorado...

Angie thought we were headed to the historic Stanley Hotel for a ghost tour, when I think I gave her a real surprise. I asked her to be my "Official Old Lady" and she said "Oh hell, why not." Not exactly, but that's between her and I - make up your own caption from the photo. So we're happily almost hitched - thanks for all the well wishes this week from all-a-ya.

Wrapping it up here, have a animal-friendly, recycled, tender moment weekend. Awww... beer me.

-H

End of week(s) ramblings 1/24/09

2009-01-24T08:29:00.011-07:00

Ok, so it's been a while, although thru no fault of my own. For whatever reason, I decided to check on the neighbors, and used an alias just in case for my own anonymity:

So seein' as how nothing panned out from the Post-It note, we broke down and bought Comcast internet. Yea, being an adult sucks.

I got a couple really cool gifts for Xmas. One of them being from Jess & Eric in MPLS:

Peace Coffee is awesome stuff. All their beans are 100% organic and fair trade certified - meaning they pay all their farmers fair market price and a living wage, as opposed to lowballing (otherwise known as Folgersizing which leads to living in Maxwell Track Housing), cause that is where the dirty deeds are done, BOOOO!

This one comes from The Outlaws (cause they're not In-laws yet) Jesse & Amber:

If you haven't heard, Anthony Bourdain can out smoke, drink, cook, travel and likely, leg wrestle your scrawny butt. Les Halles is the restaurant in NYC he worked in for years as the head chef, and is now the host of his own travel show Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations on the Travel Channel. I highly recommend you watch it or forever be a thorn in my @ss. One of the best chapters in this (and any) book:

And that looks like a cute pig, so he must be REALLY tasty!!!! Didn't even notice this until recent but I also found the next tattoo for Jesse (who is the upper echelon of culinary badassness) on this book's cover:

I can only cook Hamburger Helper, but getting this tattoo would make be a better cook, next step Oodles Of Noodles.

In other news, I really have only Josh to thank for this one:

Oh baby, The Black Keys are to good, current, underground music as Big Macs are to diabetes, or fat asses, or Kathie Lee Gifford -- just trying to think of things I really don't like... But trust me, they're that good.

We started a fit club type of thing at the office. Not doing too bad, our second weight-in is in about three weeks, ad I'm thinking I should do well. Luckily, it was sh!tty weather the day of the initial weigh-in and I wore my giant hiking boots (5-8 lbs), a couple extra layers of fleece and long sleeve t-shirts (another 3-5 lbs) and my winter beer belly (no comment) so that packed on the extra pounds and should look miraculous when I come in for the next weigh-in having lost that free weight. It's about having a goal, and that goal is cheat to win - motivational posters being mocked up now. And for whatever reason, I've actually been pretty motivated to go to the gym a couple times a week. I found if you go over lunch, you start to look forward to getting out of the office for an hour to go blow off steam.

A tip of the hat and best wishes go out to our 44th president

I don't want to say I'm looking forward to the next four years, simply cause there's so much hard stuff on the way still, but it's gotta be better than the previous 8. You still have my vote good sir, and 2012 - for what it's worth.

Before I head out to the gym on this chilly Saturday NoCo morning, I leave you with this bit of bicycle-related awesomeness:

Grotesk is a graffiti artist in NYC and also designs shirts for companies like Zoo York and the like. Check out his work HERE.

Closing it up, it's good to see you here again. Come back anytime, beers in the fridge. And, since I'm on the new streak, have a heath ridden weekend.

-H

Quickie Recap

2009-01-20T17:30:00.002-07:00

The Mrs. and myself succomed onto the almighty succomeder, the supreme man, the guys who hold the clipboard at the club you hate going to cause you never get in. A deal with the devil was made... We receive the do-it-yourself Comcast modem/internet hook-up kit later this week. Speaking of selling out, click HERE to watch the video "Sell Out" from Reel Big Fish -- it only got played by MTV like twice, all that beautiful waste and crane cam shots...

Have you seen these?

It's called an Expresso Bike - they're badass, and of course they don't have 'em at my gym. It's great for over lunch if you for whatever reason you can't bike to work -- and if you can't, then your boss is a communist. This is America dammit, have we already forgotten YES WE CAN? Maybe it's just too cold outside still, so that's okay, that's why we have this.

That's it for now. Happy Inaguration everyone, and let's keep the "president's balls" jokes out of all the "Inaguration Ha-Ha" this time.

SYSTEM ON HOLD!!!!

2009-01-09T11:48:00.003-07:00

Apparently, whoever it is we steal our wireless interweb access from, forgot to pay Comcast.

Boo.

So, after we get our own be assured, all the wholesome goodness and lighthearted warm fuzzies you get from me, will be back in normal action.

Until then, hold the F on. Or check out one of the blogs on the right from one of those talented folks.

xoxo, Hans

End of YEAR Ramblings 2008

2008-12-31T13:33:00.006-07:00

New Years Eve 2008...

One year later. The 40th anniversary of MLK Jr.'s assassination, the shooting at Southern Illinois Univ., floods in the Midwest, the deaths of Heath Ledger, Tim Russert, and Paul Newman, record high gas prices, bailouts, and douchebag auto industry owners. But on the brighter side - Michael Phelps' 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics, Barack Obama becomes the 44th president, gas prices fall lower than they've been in 5 years, and Bush dodges a shoe.

Gotta say the whole year is kind of a blur right now. Plenty to look back on personally though. Leaving the station in March was a little bittersweet. Lots of memories there and friends I've made and will keep for life. Traveling the country with the UAR was a blast - as crazy as it was, I'm really going to miss Austin in '09.

..and of course Josh, Jackie & the dogs - Maple is my hero, and Willow the retarded cat.

I learned that I never want to be unemployed EVER again. That was the longest 2 1/2 months of my life ever. People - always have at least 6 months in savings just in case you're ever out of a job. Man, that sucked. Love the new job, just need a doggie to take to work with me everyday.

Through it all though, there were two people that were with me the entire time. Two people I missed madly when I was on the road. Two people that I thought about when I asked myself "what can I sell to get a little bit of money to help with bills?" Two people that mean more to me than anything else, and anything that money can buy. Angie & Ry - I'm blessed to know and love you.

What does 2009 hold in store? I don't know, and if I could look into the future, I wouldn't want to know. You play the cards you're dealt. If you want to complain about how the last hand went, fine - be an ass, it's your right. But, you can't win 'em all. No one can stack the entire deck - even the MIT blackjack kids got caught. I gotta get away from this metaphor before it turns completely into a Kenny Rogers song.

Here's something totally different. We all know Billy Mays - the inventor of Orange Kazow!, OxyClean and other household cleaning agents that smell great but taste terrible. Here's what he's working on as of late:

Here's to a less soul-crushing 2009. All the best.

Cheers, -H

End of week ramblings 12/26/08

2008-12-26T08:33:00.001-07:00

Now that X-mess is over, it's time to look forward to another fun holiday: Thursday!! This year's theme is New Year's Eve. It's a great holiday - another short work week, sneak in a ride, hit the liquor store, then up all night with the gang... and their kids... and maybe a trip to the ER - true story.

Remember when we...

And the time that...

Neither do I. Not a clue. But Shauna found the pix and for that I'm grateful.

Let's recap shall we..?

It was cold out this week. What was it like out East you ask?

Probably the coolest place to hang out this past week would be in PDX or Seattle, where they enjoyed their first White Christmas EVER!!!! How'd you like to commute via sled to the corner store to get smokes? That's what folks in the Emerald City were able to do! If they were caught looking for that last minute gift of fresh fish/flowers/tourists, visitors to Pike Market were met with this scene:

Just lookin' at that gives me the chillz...

Partied with the outlaws (that'd be Angie's parents) last weekend for Papa's birthday. A big night of guitar hero, awesome wings, beer cheese dip, and the most fierce matches of ping pong EVER!!! Those people don't mess around - ya gotta love 'em!

Well, that about wraps things up down here at the ranch. Have fun with all the "some assembly required" and "batteries not included". I guess you shoulda thought about the fact you're not an architect and Barbie's new dream house now comes with schematics. And if you think you got a crappy gift, it's the thought that counts, buddy - and maybe that someone thinks you're crappy.

Cheers, -H

Happy/Merry Everything

2008-12-24T13:40:00.004-07:00

Whatever you celebrate, have a great time with the family, then get fall down drunk with friends. Just stay out of trouble.

Happy all that. Cheers.

End of week ramblings 12/19/08

2008-12-20T20:57:00.011-07:00

Hey ya, Happy Saturday. I didn't post on Friday because I'm working again now and there are other people that I like better than you now. Not really, I'm just bad with excuses.

WOW - WHAT A WEEK!!! Where do I start???

Saturday night last week resulted in dinner with "The Rents", a cocktail or two, an hour of romping in the snow, then staying up til 4am. Yea, time got away from us on that one.

Started the new jobby-job this week. The folks there are great, I've got a fish bowl type office, and there's a cafe' in the break room. It's got one of these:

You just pop your favorite tea/coffee/cocoa/office crack packet in the machine and it spits it right into your cup. Great stuff - drink about 10 of 'em a day now and am now peeing often enough to frighten my urologist.

If you watch the Today Show on NBC at all, you may have learned a couple things. Katie Couric is no longer tops on your "Worst List" - Meredith Viera is now the all time title holder. You may also know the Duggar Family. Michelle & Jim Bob (I kid you not - is his real name) Duggar are from Arkansas and live in a home (modified warehouse) they built themselves for them and their 17 children. Here's a recent family photo:

Well, it's time to pass the hand-me-down's around another time... as Michelle & Jim Bob (HA!) welcomed their 18th bundle of joy this Thursday. I was thinking about this, and I couldn't imagine being pregnant for almost 20 years straight. More power to 'em though. They seem to do alright and are making sure Arkansas doesn't run out of white people.

Just about to wrap it up, and came across this slice of awesome:

If that doesn't inspire me for the new year, I'm not sure if anything will.

Merry ChristmaHaunaKwanzaa, and Festivus. I think that covers all of 'em. Cheers, -H

D-D-Duh-Nuh-Nuh

2008-12-15T17:09:00.002-07:00

It's the only way I know to describe Slayer. And then there's this:

Nothing against hippies, of course.

End of week ramblings 12/12/08

2008-12-12T08:07:00.003-07:00

And what a great a week it has been. Actually got to SIT and watch a hockey game last Saturday with Angie. Was great to kick back and have a couple beers and enjoy. Kinda bummed there weren't as many fights. I know, hockey at it's purest form is always a gentlemen's sport. Well, whoever thinks that must really be lost on today's sports (most likely a backwoods townie holding up in the wilderness of Saskatchewan - that's in Canada). Of course the games I'm working, those are the record nights for minutes in the box.

In other news: Got the call this past Monday that I'll be starting my new gig with a magazine/new media company on 12/15. It's close enough to where we live that I can ride my bike to work on days it warm enough (starting June). Which to be perfectly honest, this job was the only thing I wanted for Christmas (as well as the Swobo Sanchez, It's Always Sunny in Philly seasons on DVD, and a cool argyle sweater). I could not be more excited right now. I feel truly blessed and lucky to be starting this job, especially given the state of the economy right now. Which if you've still got college debt, are graduated, but are not working in the field you majored... just go to the government and get your bailout package. They're giving out sh!tloads of money right now, might as well get yourself some while the money is still worth more than the paper it's printed on. Good 'ol American Peso...

The new Batman movie The Dark Night came out on DVD this week. I cannot believe how dark the whole thing was. I thought before they brought on the new guy, Christian Bale, the whole franchise was in a complete downward spiral. It was just getting really hokey, more just for kiddos and less for, well, not kiddos (I don't want to say nerds). This second in the new series is REALLY NOT for kids. It's really violent, really twisted, and really cool. Heath is awesome as the joker and 1000 times as twisted as Nicholson was. Was pretty surprised how much filming they did in Chicago too. You really should see this movie, and if you're even remotely a comic book movie fan, buy it.

Time to wrap it up. Enjoy the final days of holiday shopping. Ug - no way. Have a kicked back weekend. -H

It sure ain't easy...

2008-12-11T12:51:00.005-07:00

Apparently, because being awesome takes practice. So much practice, that someone wrote a "how-to" manual on the whole situation.

The worst thing I learned from this book: to be awesome you have to own and regularly wear ugly sweaters, and hangout with douchebags from the OC. It shows how dated (or not) this text really is. Bummer thing though, I don't have time for all that. I'm far too busy learning to be "F'n Rad" thru the Learn From Home to Be F'n Rad study course. Part of the Associates of Badassness degree I'm going for at the University of WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Here's a proud alumni of the U of W:

Damn right.

You can uncross your fingers

2008-12-09T18:15:00.004-07:00

I've got some good news. I got a J-O-B. You know, the kind that pays in money, instead of sexual favors. And it has left this look on my face:

Don't be fooled, it's a happy face. I'll be at a magazine/new media company as an Ad Trafficking Coordinator. Making ads and little boxes look pretty and enticing. It's gonna look so good you'll want to run out and buy whatever it is we're selling (no promises). Almost the same thing I was doing at the radio station - which is cool and should cut down on the learning/refresh time. On a similar note - I will not be doing the bike race thing next summer. I wish 'em well and will probably help out with the Colorado events next summer on the weekends, so it all worked out in the end.

Been trying to get the "lazy" out of the system. Got something great to look forward to now, just got to kill time before hand. Speaking of which, I have a beer to finish and The Simpsons are on.

Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed for me. Mucho gusto. Taco nachos frijoles Sabado Gigante. Burrito.

End of week ramblings 12/05/08

2008-12-05T08:07:00.001-07:00

You know there are just some things that never change. Daytime TV, just as crappy as ever. Have you ever caught this show while on your day off:

It's "The Doctors," or for the hipsters, "The Drs." I think they go a little too far at times. The one episode I saw had a gal on a table and in the stirrups - no joke - and before a live studio audience. You know Oprah gives away cars on her show, if you go to a taping of "The Drs" you might score yourself a complimentary physical, and your 15 minutes of fame all at once! The show is produced by Dr. Phil's son, which as we know anything that comes from that guy is about 97% crap (see episode #156 - "Help! My Metrosexual Lesbian Daughter Is Out Of Control!"). I think I'll stick to getting my medical advice from this guy:

Self diagnosis and WebMD are no help either. Thought I had some weird STD one time, turned out it was just hiccups.

With the recent snowfall (FINALLY!), you're hopefully getting into the holiday spirit. Found out the kid has a holiday concert coming up at her school. Strange thing is they're putting it on 3 times, 9:30a, and twice at 11:30a both days. Now I hate to flashback and do one of those "when I was a kid" moments, but for me - the concert was always at night and usually coincided with open house at school. In the 80's & 90's, parents could give a sh!t about school programs, and the schools knew it. They two-fer'd the whole thing - getting two birds stoned at once. Then, since everyone knows what's better for our kids than we do, they came up with the education equivalent of the NRA - the PTA. Today, if you can't bring cookies to your kid's class once a week and attend every mind-numbingly terrible field trip to the museum or box factory, then you're a bad parent. I tell you what though, my kid reads better than any student in her class (with character voices I might add, thank you) and gets straight S+'s - whatever the hell that is. It used to be A's in my day but that another blogski for another day-ski. I do enjoy parent-teacher conferences though. It's the one chance to dress up in all black and scare the crap out of my kid's teacher. If I could set up the holiday program for my kid's school, it'd look something like this:

That's about it from this side of things. Be sure to eat your veggies, cause you don't want to end up on "The Drs" showing us your blocked colon while your kids stand around and sing "O Tannenbaum" in the ugly holiday sweaters your grandma bought them. I don't need to see that.

Have a weekend. -H

Easy Holiday Shopping

2008-12-03T12:57:00.005-07:00

I came across this awesome website today while on Facebook and not job searching. It's called NoiseBot.com and they sell a bunch of t-shirts with a ton of witty and pop culture quotes on 'em. Here's a good one:

Why not get that special loved one or relative you never see something unique this holiday. Maybe something with profanity on it. I know when my friends and family are shopping for me they ask themselves "what just screams Hans?"

More holiday nonsense coming up in this week's EOWR on Friday. Oh, I'm such a tease.

You ever get the feeling?

2008-12-01T13:45:00.006-07:00

I wonder if it's just me, but it kinda seems like the closer I get to 30, the more I think the whole "woulda - shoulda - coulda" situation. It's like a bad game show, "Change your life and take a chance with what's behind Door #3, or stick with what you've got and the box that Carrol has here..." And you just know what's behind the door:

Or worse...

I hate to sound preachy or cliche', but I try and live without regrets, and I've done some stupid crap before, a couple times before a couple thousand people, but I learned a couple lessons. Here's a lit of the most popular:

People that don't know you will "boo" you if you try and get them to cheer for the wrong sports team.
Teachers hate it when you fall asleep in their class.
Teachers REALLY hate it when you snore while sleeping in their class.
Don't hide the fact that you smoke from your parents.
Everything you did as a kid that "irked" your parents, but they never told you, will be exactly what your kids will do to you.
Dry dog food is not terrible.
Wet cat food is repulsive.
The best friends you'll ever have you'll get after high school, except maybe one or two.

I guess anything that happened to me in the past where I was left ashamed, troubled, vomiting, embarrassed, laughing hysterically, or down on my luck, I can look back and have a bit of a laugh. That's where the friends come into play - chances are they were there for most of it, and posess photo evidence/documentation/court reports.

This post leaves me feeling pretty blessed that I've had the support of my friends thru my risk takings, trip-ups, and set backs. That's enough sappy stuff, it's Frambozen season!!

End of week ramblings 11/28/08

2008-11-28T12:49:00.007-07:00

The economy is in the toilet, unemployment is nearing all-time highs, money is tight everywhere... LET'S GO SHOPPING!!!

For the first and only time EVER, I decided to tag along on the annual Black Friday expedition. We didn't get to Walmart until 5:15 or so. Now we're not die-hards, crazies, or psychos and don't have the need to push and shove (unless provoked) and feel there's always enough to go around.

Some folks seem to think it's necessary to be an @$$hole when it comes to Black Friday; pulling stuff off the shelves, and in many cases out of other baskets, before they even have a chance to pay for it. It's seriously only a $90 GPS - you're gonna get what you pay for when you find out it doesn't work in cities with skyscrapers and it was just junk to begin with. And Target might only have 15 Nintendo Wii's in stock, so God help you if you're not able to get one today. Chances are you may have to wait another week.

It pays to be nice on a day like today. "Excuse me," "Pardon," and "You can feel free to put that back in my cart a-hole" can go a long way. Plus the folks working at the store for no benefits and minimum wage are more eager to please if you're not such a DB.

A great option would be to just not buy anything on Black Friday at all. Buy Nothing Day as the gang at Swobo puts it.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel... too bad the tunnel is a checkout line that's 8 deep and the cashier is still in training.

Have a thrifty weekend. -H

Monday... Full Speed Ahead

2008-11-24T11:39:00.008-07:00

Or not. I dare you not to try and waste time today. It's gonna be 60 today in the NoCo - friggin' 60 degrees! It's Mid-November!!! You just know we're going to get pounded...

But, if you're looking to kill off some time before you skip out early to enjoy the last possible bit of sunshine, give this a shot:

You can make your own bike HERE. Stevil Kinevil from HTATBL (check the link on the right -->) turned me on to it. Notice the Cinelli stem and Chris King headset? Yea baby. And the Japanese characters on the lantern translate as "I crapped my pants on a tough ride, so you probably don't want to steal this bike." It's just missing a spot for my smokes.

End of week ramblings 11/21/08

2008-11-21T10:09:00.011-07:00

Oh, Happy Friday!! Um... yea. Ok, to be honest, I started this EOWR (that's End Of Week Ramblings) blog without any topic in mind whatsoever other than knowing what has happened in the week previous.

And away we go.

Last Saturday started out with a massive-caloric-intake that is Schmidt's Bakery.

Yea, that Schmidt's. It's gotta be the biggest bakery in the NoCo as well as heaven on earth. They also have a section of authentic German meats, cheeses, and numerous other things that make me REALLY skinny. Ang was totally checking out their wedding cakes too, which looked awesome - and since I've had ample time to watch Food Network, I can now use words like piping and fondent and know what the hell they mean. I wonder if I could talk Schmidt's into doing bacon donuts...

(SIDENOTE: For more on the bacon donut, click then run HERE.)

Then spent the rest of the day with my parents to celebrate Mom's birthday. SERIOUSLY PROFANE-BUT-HEARTFELT MOMENT: I'm not gonna lie, my Mom is a tough lady that's not to be F'd with. Now I don't throw the "F'd" word around much, mostly cause I hate to abbreviate curse words, but she's been through a bit of crap here and there. She's cheated death as many times as you can count on one hand in the past couple years, so you know what that means -- Chuck Norris has a runner up for the award for Total Badass. She truly does rock and constantly cracks my sh!t up on a regular basis. FACT: If you're ever in need of a good laugh, play games with your parents on the Nintendo Wii. It's about as funny as watching your big sister as a kid piss her pants riding the tilt-a-whirl. Still funny in current day. But seriously, my Mom is rad and I'm thankful for being able to spend that time with her.

Speaking of thankful, it's already that time...

Before we venture into Thanksgiving bizness, can I just say it's about time this jackass is about out of office? What a douche. Back to thanksgiving - everyone has one turkey day childhood memory that still stand out above the rest. Mine is a bit fuzzy but am pretty sure it involves me and Stevie getting in trouble for making Britt laugh so hard at dinner that she threw up onto her plate - right there at the table. It's those holiday moments with the family that I cherish.

Here we are at the end, and whaddaya know, there are things to say - all one needs is an idea. Or a poop joke, that seems to work the best.

Alright, I'm off until there's better things to see n' say. Give my best to the fam & friends this holiday and I'll maybe even give you a post-turkey bloated lowdown.

Have a Thankful weekend. -H

Well, this sucks.

2008-11-17T14:45:00.006-07:00

You know those people who say "it can always be worse," "you've gotta look at the glass as half full," and "quit picking at it - it'll never heal." Always looking out for you. Well, I'll be happy to thank you for your cliches after I get a callback.

Take this lucky lady for example. Nice gal that looks to be in good spirits, a snappy dresser, appears to be intelligent (the glasses are a giveaway and she obviously spell checked her sign). She may be out of work, but she's hitting the streets and getting her name out there. However, to be an "out of work prostitute" one would have to first be a "working prostitute." You've got to wonder what happened? What's her cover letter say? Who's her references? And how would one become out of work in that business? Brings a whole new meaning to "laid off" I guess. Zing!

Can I just mention I have the greatest timing? Out of work for about a month and a half now, economy sucks... but at least I put gas in my car this morning for $1.87/a gallon - then rode my bike to the bank. It's the little trips that add up. I'd commute more by bike, I merely don't have the means now - winter here sucks and it's scary enough be in the bike lane when roads are clear. We're lucky to get the neighborhoods plowed within a week LET ALONE bike lanes and trails.

The stress from being unemployed hasn't been too bad though. I'm pretty sure it's my constant diet of cigarettes and the kid's leftover Halloween candy that's keeping me leveled.

My dentist is truly hating me right now. You wanna see pissed off - wait till I tell him I switched to the natural toothpaste.

End of week ramblings 11/14/08

2008-11-14T16:43:00.012-07:00

Happy Friday! Just a quick wrap up this week. If you screw around on the internet at work and haven't heard of Jon Lajoie, you are apparently not screwing around enough. Frankly, it makes me ashamed of you. Watch this now:

If you want to pee your pants laughing, and frankly WHO WOULDN'T (Communists maybe) click HERE to check out all of Jon's YouTube video-funny-ha-ha's. Keep the sound low, just in case you work with a bunch of prudes. He's a bit of a potty-mouth, and I don't want to get reported to your HR lady. I don't need that.

In other news, Veteran's Day was this week.

Rich Abrahamson @ Coloradoan

For a bit of realism, get this: For years my Dad trudged thru the jungles of Vietnam. I've always wanted to talk to him about it, but only a few years ago realized that there's somethings that people just can't share or talk about. I know he was my age when he was going thru the whole thing, and I can't imagine going thru that same thing myself. Well, when I was a kid in Cheyenne, the company he worked for never let him have Veteran's Day off. Never even offered it to him. He never wanted to make a big deal of it, but this really pissed off my Mom and I. How can you not even offer?? Well, when he started his new job here in Colorado a few years ago, they straight up offered it to him. I call my Dad on Veteran's Day, and offer a word of thanks to all my "Vet Friends", and I hope you do the same.

Weather's changing... Get your ski's & boards waxed, it's about time to get Concussed!!!

Have a warm weekend. -H

Reflection

2008-11-11T10:28:00.005-07:00

Today is Veteran's Day. And I don't care about your stance on the war. I don't care about who you voted for or your opinions on the president-elect. I don't care for your definition of marriage. If only for one day, today is not about you.

Today, I think about duty, honor, and sacrifice. I think about thousands of white marble headstones, color guards, and taps being played.

I care about my friends and family who served, survived, and those who didn't. I'm thankful for my freedom, and what it took to get it.

Thank you Dad, Stevie, and Grandpa Floyd. Thank you friends and strangers.

End of week ramblings 11/07/08

2008-11-07T16:47:00.007-07:00

Long time meth capitol of Colorado, Nederland out-does it self. They've moved up to pot and crack as well.

As we found out last weekend, also home for some pretty sweet singletrack. Pretty sure this was my first whack at the skinny's... Here's Jeff after taking a whack at one of the gaps

Ehhh, close enough man. At least you didn't land on your face - you mentioned your doctor said not to get mountains in it. Great weather last Saturday: Sunny and 70s. Eldora even was open, granted the pickin's were slim

Good 'Ol Andy has been the daredevil of the group this past summer. Rolling thru cactus, unintentional 1/2 backflips, the man can do it all. Here he's getting rad on a mini jump

Maybe not so rad - gotta watch the busted shoulder buddy.

Tonight it's date night with the old lady, and since we're kidless it's going to be Rock Bottom and Zack & Miri. Damn I love me some Kevin Smith and I think Angie has a secret crush on Seth Rogen

Goofy, wears glasses, hairy, kind of a jackass... don't know what she sees in him. Good thing he's nothing like me.

Have an "uber" weekend. -H

Like my Japanese friend Ichiro would say...

2008-11-04T09:53:00.007-07:00

Happy Erection Day. If you haven't voted already, do so. If you have, go ahead and get your free cup of Starbucks Coffee, free scoop of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and free Krispy Kreme donut. Then next week, stop by the doctors' office for Tylenol with codeine for the caffeine headache, diabetes medication for the sweets, and a discounted colonoscopy just for the fun of it.

Is a complimentary 2-cent "I Voted" sticker not enough? When we were kids, if you got a sticker for even doing nothing at all, you thought that was awesome. Now that you've done your civic duty, you expect to be compensated with access to the corporate world's snack and food service table? GUESS WHAT?! It's a small cup of BLACK coffee, a small ice cream scoop - no cone, and a small donut. It's costing these stores near nothing cause they're predicting, and they'll be right, that you'll buy other crap when you're there. You're really getting NOTHING!!!

My parents took me along to the polls when I was a kid, it wasn't the greatest time I ever had, but a lesson learned. Change takes time, and patience; not freebies and comps.

And let's hope the whole country catches onto this early voting thing. Whatever might shorten the amount of time we're all badgered with these commercials, anything helps.

Completely unrelated, here's my future vote: Pedro in 2016.

End of week ramblings 10/31/08

2008-10-31T08:32:00.002-06:00

Happy Halloween! Good 'ol Biz Markie sends his love...

This is from Nick Jr.'s show "Yo Gabba Gabba!" and it's what you're kids are watching. So if in 15 years your kids turn out to be really cool, this show is why. Kinda makes Sesame Street look like a bunch of jackasses.

You know, everyone has a couple Halloween memories they look back on and have a bit of a laugh at... For about a 6 year period I went as The Devil - same costume every year, but strange enough - a bit more convincing year after year, I must have grown into the character. I remember one Halloween as a kid growing up in Cheyenne, I must have been in 3rd Grade cause I was Batman for the holiday. Halloween in Wyoming means your costume is on the outside of your snowsuit, and if it doesn't fit, then you wear the parts that do. So this adventure consisted of me in a black ski mask and cape jetting door-to-door in 70 MPH wind gusts. The cape acted as more of a sail and threw me into ice-laden snow drifts and leaf piles instead of front door mats. And of course the final halloween excursion was my senior year of high school, yea - we went out with a bang. My buddy Nate and I ran into an old friend at a house party in a trailer park (where the best/worst Chey-dive house parties/domestic abuse calls/"accidents" always start/finish at). There were a couple masks in the house so we went out, and since people who hand out candy fear old kids going door-to-door more so than the devil himself, we made out like bandits. Now, I've got a little one and we're heading out the door tonight to partake in tricks and treats of our own. She's going as a little witch, with blond moppet hair and missing front teeth. Best Costume Ever.

Have a great holiday and party your asses off cause it's gonna be a while til Halloween is on a weekend again. I'll be off hunting zombies of my own with the crew, so I'll tell Shaun and the gang hello for ya.

Have a HAUNTED weekend. Maharigato. -H

Candy feva!!!!!

2008-10-30T09:11:00.005-06:00

I gotta admit, I've got a HUGE hankerin' for some candy corn. Growing up in my house was all about these bad boys:

Brach's Mellowcreme Pumpkins, or what I like to call "The Devils Teets" due to the green stem/nip on top. I just checked the nutritional content and 6 punkins are 150 calories. But one serving back in the day was 1 bag. Mom would actually have to hide them. The pantry, on top of the cupboards, the vegetable drawer, and in the office were some of her favorite places. She'd always eat them frozen out of the freezer with a glass of skim milk with ice. Um... Ew. Cause skim milk isn't already watered down enough.

And is it just me or has "Fun Size" candy decreased in actual size since last year? Are we truly in a Fun recession that we need to cut down on the amount of Fun?

Do we need to keep an eye out for Mildly Amused Size, Fatigued Size, Blase' Size... And who's the jerk-ass that came up with the size smaller than Fun Size? What sick sonofabitch thought it would be funny? Screw him, I'll eat the whole bag - that'll show him.

It's also probably a good thing that the tradition of Bobbing for Apples is pretty much dead. There are some sickos trying to make "Bobbing for Razor Blade Apples" and "M&M or Barbiturate?" new party favorites.

And I was going to dress up as Sarah Palin, but after I ordered the bikini and the gun, I totally changed my mind. I could just go head-to-toe lycra and be Josh. Just need the dirt bag mustache...

My bad

2008-10-29T10:49:00.003-06:00

Never doubt the power of Wikipedia. I got the date wrong on the Bertuzzi/Moore story. See the full story on Wikipedia HERE. And thanks to Jefffy Jeff for pointing out that I hate fact checking.

The Good 'Ol Hockey Game

2008-10-28T17:32:00.009-06:00

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of when Canucks' Todd Bertuzzi slammed Av's defenseman Steve Moore on the ice during a game in Vancouver. Here's an old post of mine from my first Av's game after the incident. And, if you've never heard of "Stompin'" Tom Connors, find his song here and play it in the background as you read this old post of mine from years back. And to Bertuzzi who's still playing, I'll always have your photo next to my bed...

1/29/2006

So Saturday night, I was at the Avalanche game with my pal Andy. He was lucky enough to score tickets to the game, in some REALLY REALLY good seats. We were the 2nd row behind the glass, so needless to say I was excited to just be that close to the action. It's like you're sitting on the bench with the players. Not only were the seats frickin awesome, but the Avs were playing the Vancouver Canuks. And depending on your opinion, one of the newer/better rivalries in the NHL, due to the whole Canucks Todd Bertuzzi beatdown on Avs' Steve Moore almost 2 years ago.

So the first period goes by, with all the non stop action, fights and near misses of your typical hockey game. But it was happening less than 10 feet right in front of us. GO to re-fill the cocktails and we're back in our seats for the 2nd period. Again, pretty typical 20 minutes - Canucks get the call on a delayed penalty, their goalie leaves the ice for an extra skater till the touch up. One of the Avs knocks the puck loose near center ice towards the open goal, going... going... -*TINK*- off the post. A near miss, and right in front of us...

Enter 2nd intermission... refill cocktails, back in the seats for the start of the third. Here's where the action picks up... Avs forward Dan Hintoe is up for the face off and at the drop of the puck, instead of taking the face off, he throws his stick aside, drops the gloves, picks his man, and the fight starts. Time on the clock stops at 19:57, and the fists fly. LOL... Five for fighting for both and the game continues.

Now since the Bertuzzi-Moore, well let's jsut call it an incident, and Bertuzzi an @$$hole, his games in Denver have been met with the "BOO!"'s of an entire sold out crowd at the Pepsi Center. You'd be a little tense too with 10's of thousands of people telling you "YOU SUCK" as loud as they can yell it everytime he steps on the ice or touches the puck, but the guy brought it on himself.

Towards the end of the 3rd period, about 13 minutes or so left, Avs are down 3-2. Both teams line up for a face off in the Vancouver zone, 10 FEET RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AGAIN -*WINK*-, and Bertuzzi has his back right to us. If the glass wasn't there, I literally could have leapt from where I was sitting to tackle the guy. Out of nowhere, and over my head, flies this little stacking doll thing they gave at the door when we came in. It flies over the glass onto the rink in front of us just missing Bertuzzi. Witthout hesitation he turns around and looks right at Andy and I. The guy sitting behind me and everyone else in our section starts shouting at Bertuzzi "YOU SUCK," "CRIMINAL," and "GO TO HELL BERTUZZI," you know, that sort of thing. The NHL official STOPS the game, comes over to talk to the Pepsi Center usher by the glass, while everyone in our section is still screaming at the top of their lungs. The officials and the ushers are trying to pin it on the guy sitting right behind us, TOTALLY WAS NOT HIM. The damn thing flew from about 15 rows back and a whole section over, obviously the guy that threw it had a hell of an arm. When they couldn't figure out right away who threw it, the officals and ushers started pointing fingers at Andy and me! WTF! I handed my box that had the giveaway doll still inside it to the usher and told her "Go ahead check it, mine's still in there!" Then they tried to toss me out cause I was flipping off Bertuzzi. Yea, I TOTALLY flipped him off, the guy is a jerk. But if you're gonna kick me out, you might as well toss out every one else in the arena, cause it safe to say, I wasn't the only one flipping the bird last night. So this goes on for a good five, almost 10 minutes, and they have our section on the JUMBOTRON in the middle of the arena. I was feeling a little tense arguing with the refs and the ushers, up until the ENTIRE PEPSI CENTER started chanting in unison "BERTUZZI SUCKS." Then the officials and the ushers knew who was on our side. The 'suits' at the Pepsi Center go and check the tapes from the TV cameras, (FYI: there wetre double the cameras there last night cause the game was broadcast on both Altitude Sports Net and CBC Hockey Night in Canada, plus that really cool wire cam thing) The PC suits found the guy that actually threw it, like I said he WAS sitting 15 rows back and a section over from us.

Yea, crazy. But the insanity doesn't stop there.

The game finally gets rolling again, now everyone in the arena is insane after the stoppange and chanting. Carnival type atmosphere, totally loud and nuts. The Avs score a goal to tie up the game with 7-8 minutes left in the game. Just as this is happening, two sections to our right now, this 40-something year old man just starts beating the hell out of this other guy, IN THE STANDS!! FANS, NOT HOCKEY PLAYERS, THE FANS!!! This scrum in the seats goes on for like 30 seconds until security, aka Pepsi Center Ushers, are diving from the aisle into the middle of the seats to break these guys up. So now, half the crowd is watching the game on one side, and the entire other half of the crowd is watching this old guy beat the sh*t out of this other guy. The fight gets broken up and the cops start escorting people up the stairs. Just so happens it's two young guys with Vancouver Canucks jerseys. As they're walking out, people in the seats are razzin' them and they talk crap back, then the cop behind them shoves him and he falls down. HA!! He gets back up and looks at the cop like "What the..." It's always funny when it's not you, huh?

So the final seconds of the game tick off the clock, and it's a 3-3 tie. Going to OT, 4-on-4 for five minutes. Intense, fast moving and hard hitting for five miuntes, then the horn. Still a tie after OT. My favorite rule of the "New NHL" states that if there's a tie after OT, then teams will go into a shootout. As if the crowd weren't worked into a big enough frenzy already. To sum it up, Vancouver takes it 1-0 in the shootout and wins the game.

Far and beyond the craziest, intense... I'm still at a loss for words.

You'd have to agree

2008-10-27T10:10:00.005-06:00

It's the perfect shirt you wish you'd wore on the first day of school in 6th grade. Only from the cats at Swobo. Get one HERE.

How can someone ride a fixed gear bike in Seattle? It's so damn hilly!! Here's how:

FTC Alley Cat/Post-Halloween Bash

2008-10-24T11:37:00.005-06:00

Check it HERE. Embrace the local fixed gear guru's, they're good people and put on fun things.

End of week ramblings 10/24/08

2008-10-24T10:49:00.006-06:00

So, I guess this is my first official post on the 'ol blogski here. Wooo. Here's the weekly wrap-up. Ang was pretty sick this week so she took a day off to recouperate. Poor gal was really knocked out, but things could always be worse. Got to take the kid to school and rocked some great tunes in the car on the way there. She loves Kaiser Chiefs, Black Kids and Ghostland Observatory. Gotta admit, the kid's got taste. Went to Kings of Leon in Denver last night with Jesse:

Wow. I either need a new cell phone camera or parkinson's medication. Sorry for the Blair Witch effects there. Great time though, sold out show. I don't think I've ever seen that many folks inside the Fillmore before. Kick ass time though, paying for it now as I spend the day in recovery mode. Got some coffee and Casino is on, so the healing process begins.

If you've got kids, or know someone who does, you're surely aware that High School Musical 3 comes out today. I've seen kids as young as 3 and as old as 16 that love those movies. It's crazy that one franchise can have such a spanning demographic. So instead of heading to Veloswap this Saturday morning with Bald Andy and Jeffy Jeff, I'll be learning all the new songs. Catchy stuff though.

I'll leave you with one more thing:

Oh yea, Obama rides fixie. You should see the skids on Palin's face. If you've registered to vote, and you live in CO, go vote early. The ballot is LOOOOOONNNGGGG so do your homework and take a cheatsheet. See, I'm saving you time already.

Have a _____ weekend. Maharigato. -H

AND, if you haven't already...

2008-10-23T15:22:00.001-06:00

A must have

2008-10-23T13:20:00.000-06:00

So, I found a new must have, can't-live-without, life necessity. Corduroy smoking jackets from Lindland - local indie company in SanFran. Get 'em HERE.