Wednesday, December 31, 2008

End of YEAR Ramblings 2008

New Years Eve 2008...  

One year later.  The 40th anniversary of MLK Jr.'s assassination, the shooting at Southern Illinois Univ., floods in the Midwest, the deaths of Heath Ledger, Tim Russert, and Paul Newman, record high gas prices, bailouts, and douchebag auto industry owners.  But on the brighter side - Michael Phelps' 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympics, Barack Obama becomes the 44th president, gas prices fall lower than they've been in 5 years, and Bush dodges a shoe.

Gotta say the whole year is kind of a blur right now.  Plenty to look back on personally though.  Leaving the station in March was a little bittersweet.  Lots of memories there and friends I've made and will keep for life.  Traveling the country with the UAR was a blast - as crazy as it was, I'm really going to miss Austin in '09.

..and of course Josh, Jackie & the dogs - Maple is my hero, and Willow the retarded cat.

I learned that I never want to be unemployed EVER again.  That was the longest 2 1/2 months of my life ever.  People - always have at least 6 months in savings just in case you're ever out of a job.  Man, that sucked.  Love the new job, just need a doggie to take to work with me everyday.

Through it all though, there were two people that were with me the entire time.  Two people I missed madly when I was on the road.  Two people that I thought about when I asked myself "what can I sell to get a little bit of money to help with bills?"  Two people that mean more to me than anything else, and anything that money can buy.  Angie & Ry - I'm blessed to know and love you.

What does 2009 hold in store?  I don't know, and if I could look into the future, I wouldn't want to know.  You play the cards you're dealt.  If you want to complain about how the last hand went, fine - be an ass, it's your right.  But, you can't win 'em all.  No one can stack the entire deck - even the MIT blackjack kids got caught.  I gotta get away from this metaphor before it turns completely into a Kenny Rogers song.

Here's something totally different.  We all know Billy Mays - the inventor of Orange Kazow!, OxyClean and other household cleaning agents that smell great but taste terrible.  Here's what he's working on as of late:

Here's to a less soul-crushing 2009.  All the best.

Cheers, -H

Friday, December 26, 2008

End of week ramblings 12/26/08

Now that X-mess is over, it's time to look forward to another fun holiday:  Thursday!!  This year's theme is New Year's Eve.  It's a great holiday - another short work week, sneak in a ride, hit the liquor store, then up all night with the gang...  and their kids...  and maybe a trip to the ER - true story.

Remember when we...

And the time that...

Neither do I.  Not a clue.  But Shauna found the pix and for that I'm grateful.

Let's recap shall we..?

It was cold out this week.  What was it like out East you ask?

Probably the coolest place to hang out this past week would be in PDX or Seattle, where they enjoyed their first White Christmas EVER!!!!  How'd you like to commute via sled to the corner store to get smokes?  That's what folks in the Emerald City were able to do!  If they were caught looking for that last minute gift of fresh fish/flowers/tourists, visitors to Pike Market were met with this scene:

Just lookin' at that gives me the chillz...

Partied with the outlaws (that'd be Angie's parents) last weekend for Papa's birthday.  A big night of guitar hero, awesome wings, beer cheese dip, and the most fierce matches of ping pong EVER!!!  Those people don't mess around - ya gotta love 'em!

Well, that about wraps things up down here at the ranch.  Have fun with all the "some assembly required" and "batteries not included".  I guess you shoulda thought about the fact you're not an architect and Barbie's new dream house now comes with schematics.  And if you think you got a crappy gift, it's the thought that counts, buddy - and maybe that someone thinks you're crappy.

Cheers, -H

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy/Merry Everything

Whatever you celebrate, have a great time with the family, then get fall down drunk with friends.  Just stay out of trouble.

Happy all that.  Cheers.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

End of week ramblings 12/19/08

Hey ya, Happy Saturday.  I didn't post on Friday because I'm working again now and there are other people that I like better than you now.  Not really, I'm just bad with excuses.

WOW - WHAT A WEEK!!!  Where do I start???

Saturday night last week resulted in dinner with "The Rents", a cocktail or two, an hour of romping in the snow, then staying up til 4am.  Yea, time got away from us on that one.

Started the new jobby-job this week.  The folks there are great, I've got a fish bowl type office, and there's a cafe' in the break room.  It's got one of these:

You just pop your favorite tea/coffee/cocoa/office crack packet in the machine and it spits it right into your cup.  Great stuff - drink about 10 of 'em a day now and am now peeing often enough to frighten my urologist.

If you watch the Today Show on NBC at all, you may have learned a couple things.  Katie Couric is no longer tops on your "Worst List" - Meredith Viera is now the all time title holder.  You may also know the Duggar Family.  Michelle & Jim Bob (I kid you not - is his real name) Duggar are from Arkansas and live in a home (modified warehouse) they built themselves for them and their 17 children.  Here's a recent family photo:

Well, it's time to pass the hand-me-down's around another time... as Michelle & Jim Bob (HA!) welcomed their 18th bundle of joy this Thursday.  I was thinking about this, and I couldn't imagine being pregnant for almost 20 years straight.  More power to 'em though.  They seem to do alright and are making sure Arkansas doesn't run out of white people.

Just about to wrap it up, and came across this slice of awesome:

If that doesn't inspire me for the new year, I'm not sure if anything will.

Merry ChristmaHaunaKwanzaa, and Festivus.  I think that covers all of 'em.  Cheers, -H

Monday, December 15, 2008


It's the only way I know to describe Slayer.  And then there's this:

Nothing against hippies, of course.

Friday, December 12, 2008

End of week ramblings 12/12/08

And what a great a week it has been.  Actually got to SIT and watch a hockey game last Saturday with Angie.  Was great to kick back and have a couple beers and enjoy.  Kinda bummed there weren't as many fights.  I know, hockey at it's purest form is always a gentlemen's sport.  Well, whoever thinks that must really be lost on today's sports (most likely a backwoods townie holding up in the wilderness of Saskatchewan - that's in Canada).  Of course the games I'm working, those are the record nights for minutes in the box.

In other news:  Got the call this past Monday that I'll be starting my new gig with a magazine/new media company on 12/15.  It's close enough to where we live that I can ride my bike to work on days it warm enough (starting June).  Which to be perfectly honest, this job was the only thing I wanted for Christmas (as well as the Swobo Sanchez, It's Always Sunny in Philly seasons on DVD, and a cool argyle sweater).  I could not be more excited right now.  I feel truly blessed and lucky to be starting this job, especially given the state of the economy right now.  Which if you've still got college debt, are graduated, but are not working in the field you majored...  just go to the government and get your bailout package.  They're giving out sh!tloads of money right now, might as well get yourself some while the money is still worth more than the paper it's printed on.  Good 'ol American Peso...

The new Batman movie The Dark Night came out on DVD this week.  I cannot believe how dark the whole thing was.  I thought before they brought on the new guy, Christian Bale, the whole franchise was in a complete downward spiral.  It was just getting really hokey, more just for kiddos and less for, well, not kiddos (I don't want to say nerds).  This second in the new series is REALLY NOT for kids.  It's really violent, really twisted, and really cool.  Heath is awesome as the joker and 1000 times as twisted as Nicholson was.  Was pretty surprised how much filming they did in Chicago too.  You really should see this movie, and if you're even remotely a comic book movie fan, buy it.  

Time to wrap it up.  Enjoy the final days of holiday shopping.  Ug - no way.  Have a kicked back weekend.  -H

Thursday, December 11, 2008

It sure ain't easy...

Apparently, because being awesome takes practice.  So much practice, that someone wrote a "how-to" manual on the whole situation.

The worst thing I learned from this book: to be awesome you have to own and regularly wear ugly sweaters, and hangout with douchebags from the OC.  It shows how dated (or not) this text really is.  Bummer thing though, I don't have time for all that.  I'm far too busy learning to be "F'n Rad" thru the Learn From Home to Be F'n Rad study course.  Part of the Associates of Badassness degree I'm going for at the University of WOOOOOOOOO!!!

Here's a proud alumni of the U of W:

Damn right.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

You can uncross your fingers

I've got some good news.  I got a J-O-B.  You know, the kind that pays in money, instead of sexual favors.  And it has left this look on my face:

Don't be fooled, it's a happy face.  I'll be at a magazine/new media company as an Ad Trafficking Coordinator.  Making ads and little boxes look pretty and enticing.  It's gonna look so good you'll want to run out and buy whatever it is we're selling (no promises).  Almost the same thing I was doing at the radio station - which is cool and should cut down on the learning/refresh time.  On a similar note - I will not be doing the bike race thing next summer.  I wish 'em well and will probably help out with the Colorado events next summer on the weekends, so it all worked out in the end.

Been trying to get the "lazy" out of the system.  Got something great to look forward to now, just got to kill time before hand.  Speaking of which, I have a beer to finish and The Simpsons are on.

Thanks for keeping your fingers crossed for me.  Mucho gusto.  Taco nachos frijoles Sabado Gigante.  Burrito.

Friday, December 5, 2008

End of week ramblings 12/05/08

You know there are just some things that never change.  Daytime TV, just as crappy as ever.  Have you ever caught this show while on your day off:

It's "The Doctors," or for the hipsters, "The Drs."  I think they go a little too far at times.  The one episode I saw had a gal on a table and in the stirrups - no joke - and before a live studio audience.  You know Oprah gives away cars on her show, if you go to a taping of "The Drs" you might score yourself a complimentary physical, and your 15 minutes of fame all at once!  The show is produced by Dr. Phil's son, which as we know anything that comes from that guy is about 97% crap (see episode #156 - "Help! My Metrosexual Lesbian Daughter Is Out Of Control!").  I think I'll stick to getting my medical advice from this guy:

Self diagnosis and WebMD are no help either.  Thought I had some weird STD one time, turned out it was just hiccups.

With the recent snowfall (FINALLY!), you're hopefully getting into the holiday spirit.  Found out the kid has a holiday concert coming up at her school.  Strange thing is they're putting it on 3 times, 9:30a, and twice at 11:30a both days.  Now I hate to flashback and do one of those "when I was a kid" moments, but for me - the concert was always at night and usually coincided with open house at school.  In the 80's & 90's, parents could give a sh!t about school programs, and the schools knew it.  They two-fer'd the whole thing - getting two birds stoned at once.  Then, since everyone knows what's better for our kids than we do, they came up with the education equivalent of the NRA - the PTA.  Today, if you can't bring cookies to your kid's class once a week and attend every mind-numbingly terrible field trip to the museum or box factory, then you're a bad parent.  I tell you what though, my kid reads better than any student in her class (with character voices I might add, thank you) and gets straight S+'s - whatever the hell that is.  It used to be A's in my day but that another blogski for another day-ski.  I do enjoy parent-teacher conferences though.  It's the one chance to dress up in all black and scare the crap out of my kid's teacher.  If I could set up the holiday program for my kid's school, it'd look something like this:

That's about it from this side of things.  Be sure to eat your veggies, cause you don't want to end up on "The Drs" showing us your blocked colon while your kids stand around and sing "O Tannenbaum" in the ugly holiday sweaters your grandma bought them.  I don't need to see that.

Have a weekend.  -H

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Easy Holiday Shopping

I came across this awesome website today while on Facebook and not job searching.  It's called and they sell a bunch of t-shirts with a ton of witty and pop culture quotes on 'em.  Here's a good one:

Why not get that special loved one or relative you never see something unique this holiday.  Maybe something with profanity on it.  I know when my friends and family are shopping for me they ask themselves "what just screams Hans?"

More holiday nonsense coming up in this week's EOWR on Friday.  Oh, I'm such a tease.

Monday, December 1, 2008

You ever get the feeling?

I wonder if it's just me, but it kinda seems like the closer I get to 30, the more I think the whole "woulda - shoulda - coulda" situation.  It's like a bad game show, "Change your life and take a chance with what's behind Door #3, or stick with what you've got and the box that Carrol has here..."  And you just know what's behind the door:

Or worse...

I hate to sound preachy or cliche', but I try and live without regrets, and I've done some stupid crap before, a couple times before a couple thousand people, but I learned a couple lessons.  Here's a lit of the most popular:
  • People that don't know you will "boo" you if you try and get them to cheer for the wrong sports team.  
  • Teachers hate it when you fall asleep in their class.  
  • Teachers REALLY hate it when you snore while sleeping in their class.  
  • Don't hide the fact that you smoke from your parents.
  • Everything you did as a kid that "irked" your parents, but they never told you, will be exactly what your kids will do to you.
  • Dry dog food is not terrible.
  • Wet cat food is repulsive.
  • The best friends you'll ever have you'll get after high school, except maybe one or two.
I guess anything that happened to me in the past where I was left ashamed, troubled, vomiting, embarrassed, laughing hysterically, or down on my luck, I can look back and have a bit of a laugh.  That's where the friends come into play - chances are they were there for most of it, and posess photo evidence/documentation/court reports.

This post leaves me feeling pretty blessed that I've had the support of my friends thru my risk takings, trip-ups, and set backs.  That's enough sappy stuff, it's Frambozen season!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

End of week ramblings 11/28/08

The economy is in the toilet, unemployment is nearing all-time highs, money is tight everywhere...  LET'S GO SHOPPING!!!

For the first and only time EVER, I decided to tag along on the annual Black Friday expedition.  We didn't get to Walmart until 5:15 or so.  Now we're not die-hards, crazies, or psychos and don't have the need to push and shove (unless provoked) and feel there's always enough to go around.  

Some folks seem to think it's necessary to be an @$$hole when it comes to Black Friday; pulling stuff off the shelves, and in many cases out of other baskets, before they even have a chance to pay for it.  It's seriously only a $90 GPS - you're gonna get what you pay for when you find out it doesn't work in cities with skyscrapers and it was just junk to begin with.  And Target might only have 15 Nintendo Wii's in stock, so God help you if you're not able to get one today.  Chances are you may have to wait another week.

It pays to be nice on a day like today.  "Excuse me," "Pardon," and "You can feel free to put that back in my cart a-hole" can go a long way.  Plus the folks working at the store for no benefits and minimum wage are more eager to please if you're not such a DB.

A great option would be to just not buy anything on Black Friday at all.  Buy Nothing Day as the gang at Swobo puts it.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel...  too bad the tunnel is a checkout line that's 8 deep and the cashier is still in training.

Have a thrifty weekend.  -H

Monday, November 24, 2008

Monday... Full Speed Ahead

Or not.  I dare you not to try and waste time today.  It's gonna be 60 today in the NoCo - friggin' 60 degrees!  It's Mid-November!!!  You just know we're going to get pounded...

But, if you're looking to kill off some time before you skip out early to enjoy the last possible bit of sunshine, give this a shot:

You can make your own bike HERE.  Stevil Kinevil from HTATBL (check the link on the right -->) turned me on to it.  Notice the Cinelli stem and Chris King headset?  Yea baby.  And the Japanese characters on the lantern translate as "I crapped my pants on a tough ride, so you probably don't want to steal this bike."  It's just missing a spot for my smokes.

Friday, November 21, 2008

End of week ramblings 11/21/08

Oh, Happy Friday!!  Um... yea.  Ok, to be honest, I started this EOWR (that's End Of Week Ramblings) blog without any topic in mind whatsoever other than knowing what has happened in the week previous.

And away we go.

Last Saturday started out with a massive-caloric-intake that is Schmidt's Bakery.

Yea, that Schmidt's.  It's gotta be the biggest bakery in the NoCo as well as heaven on earth.  They also have a section of authentic German meats, cheeses, and numerous other things that make me REALLY skinny.  Ang was totally checking out their wedding cakes too, which looked awesome - and since I've had ample time to watch Food Network, I can now use words like piping and fondent and know what the hell they mean.  I wonder if I could talk Schmidt's into doing bacon donuts...

(SIDENOTE: For more on the bacon donut, click then run HERE.)

Then spent the rest of the day with my parents to celebrate Mom's birthday.  SERIOUSLY PROFANE-BUT-HEARTFELT MOMENT:  I'm not gonna lie, my Mom is a tough lady that's not to be F'd with.  Now I don't throw the "F'd" word around much, mostly cause I hate to abbreviate curse words, but she's been through a bit of crap here and there.  She's cheated death as many times as you can count on one hand in the past couple years, so you know what that means -- Chuck Norris has a runner up for the award for Total Badass.  She truly does rock and constantly cracks my sh!t up on a regular basis.  FACT:  If you're ever in need of a good laugh, play games with your parents on the Nintendo Wii.  It's about as funny as watching your big sister as a kid piss her pants riding the tilt-a-whirl.  Still funny in current day.  But seriously, my Mom is rad and I'm thankful for being able to spend that time with her.

Speaking of thankful, it's already that time...

Before we venture into Thanksgiving bizness, can I just say it's about time this jackass is about out of office?  What a douche.  Back to thanksgiving - everyone has one turkey day childhood memory that still stand out above the rest.  Mine is a bit fuzzy but am pretty sure it involves me and Stevie getting in trouble for making Britt laugh so hard at dinner that she threw up onto her plate - right there at the table.  It's those holiday moments with the family that I cherish.

Here we are at the end, and whaddaya know, there are things to say - all one needs is an idea.  Or a poop joke, that seems to work the best.  

Alright, I'm off until there's better things to see n' say.  Give my best to the fam & friends this holiday and I'll maybe even give you a post-turkey bloated lowdown.

Have a Thankful weekend.  -H

Monday, November 17, 2008

Well, this sucks.

You know those people who say "it can always be worse," "you've gotta look at the glass as half full," and "quit picking at it - it'll never heal."  Always looking out for you.  Well, I'll be happy to thank you for your cliches after I get a callback.

Take this lucky lady for example.  Nice gal that looks to be in good spirits, a snappy dresser, appears to be intelligent (the glasses are a giveaway and she obviously spell checked her sign).  She may be out of work, but she's hitting the streets and getting her name out there.  However, to be an "out of work prostitute" one would have to first be a "working prostitute."  You've got to wonder what happened?  What's her cover letter say?  Who's her references?  And how would one become out of work in that business?  Brings a whole new meaning to "laid off" I guess.  Zing!

Can I just mention I have the greatest timing?  Out of work for about a month and a half now, economy sucks...  but at least I put gas in my car this morning for $1.87/a gallon - then rode my bike to the bank.  It's the little trips that add up.  I'd commute more by bike, I merely don't have the means now - winter here sucks and it's scary enough be in the bike lane when roads are clear.  We're lucky to get the neighborhoods plowed within a week LET ALONE bike lanes and trails.

The stress from being unemployed hasn't been too bad though.  I'm pretty sure it's my constant diet of cigarettes and the kid's leftover Halloween candy that's keeping me leveled.

My dentist is truly hating me right now.  You wanna see pissed off - wait till I tell him I switched to the natural toothpaste.  

Friday, November 14, 2008

End of week ramblings 11/14/08

Happy Friday!  Just a quick wrap up this week.  If you screw around on the internet at work and haven't heard of Jon Lajoie, you are apparently not screwing around enough.  Frankly, it makes me ashamed of you.  Watch this now:

If you want to pee your pants laughing, and frankly WHO WOULDN'T (Communists maybe) click HERE to check out all of Jon's YouTube video-funny-ha-ha's.  Keep the sound low, just in case you work with a bunch of prudes.  He's a bit of a potty-mouth, and I don't want to get reported to your HR lady.  I don't need that.

In other news, Veteran's Day was this week.  

Rich Abrahamson @ Coloradoan

For a bit of realism, get this:  For years my Dad trudged thru the jungles of Vietnam.  I've always wanted to talk to him about it, but only a few years ago realized that there's somethings that people just can't share or talk about.  I know he was my age when he was going thru the whole thing, and I can't imagine going thru that same thing myself.  Well, when I was a kid in Cheyenne, the company he worked for never let him have Veteran's Day off.  Never even offered it to him.  He never wanted to make a big deal of it, but this really pissed off my Mom and I.  How can you not even offer??  Well, when he started his new job here in Colorado a few years ago, they straight up offered it to him.  I call my Dad on Veteran's Day, and offer a word of thanks to all my "Vet Friends", and I hope you do the same.

Weather's changing...  Get your ski's & boards waxed, it's about time to get Concussed!!!

Have a warm weekend.  -H

Tuesday, November 11, 2008


Today is Veteran's Day.  And I don't care about your stance on the war.  I don't care about who you voted for or your opinions on the president-elect.  I don't care for your definition of marriage.  If only for one day, today is not about you.

Today, I think about duty, honor, and sacrifice.  I think about thousands of white marble headstones, color guards, and taps being played.  

I care about my friends and family who served, survived, and those who didn't.  I'm thankful for my freedom, and what it took to get it.

Thank you Dad, Stevie, and Grandpa Floyd.  Thank you friends and strangers.

Friday, November 7, 2008

End of week ramblings 11/07/08

Long time meth capitol of Colorado, Nederland out-does it self.  They've moved up to pot and crack as well.

As we found out last weekend, also home for some pretty sweet singletrack.  Pretty sure this was my first whack at the skinny's...  Here's Jeff after taking a whack at one of the gaps

Ehhh, close enough man.  At least you didn't land on your face - you mentioned your doctor said not to get mountains in it.  Great weather last Saturday: Sunny and 70s.  Eldora even was open, granted the pickin's were slim

Good 'Ol Andy has been the daredevil of the group this past summer.  Rolling thru cactus, unintentional 1/2 backflips, the man can do it all.  Here he's getting rad on a mini jump

Maybe not so rad - gotta watch the busted shoulder buddy.

Tonight it's date night with the old lady, and since we're kidless it's going to be Rock Bottom and Zack & Miri.  Damn I love me some Kevin Smith and I think Angie has a secret crush on Seth Rogen

Goofy, wears glasses, hairy, kind of a jackass...  don't know what she sees in him.  Good thing he's nothing like me.

Have an "uber" weekend.  -H

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Like my Japanese friend Ichiro would say...

Happy Erection Day.  If you haven't voted already, do so.  If you have, go ahead and get your free cup of Starbucks Coffee, free scoop of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream, and free Krispy Kreme donut.  Then next week, stop by the doctors' office for Tylenol with codeine for the caffeine headache, diabetes medication for the sweets, and a discounted colonoscopy just for the fun of it.

Is a complimentary 2-cent "I Voted" sticker not enough?  When we were kids, if you got a sticker for even doing nothing at all, you thought that was awesome.  Now that you've done your civic duty, you expect to be compensated with access to the corporate world's snack and food service table?  GUESS WHAT?!  It's a small cup of BLACK coffee, a small ice cream scoop - no cone, and a small donut.  It's costing these stores near nothing cause they're predicting, and they'll be right, that you'll buy other crap when you're there.  You're really getting NOTHING!!!

My parents took me along to the polls when I was a kid, it wasn't the greatest time I ever had, but a lesson learned.  Change takes time, and patience; not freebies and comps.  

And let's hope the whole country catches onto this early voting thing.  Whatever might shorten the amount of time we're all badgered with these commercials, anything helps.

Completely unrelated, here's my future vote: Pedro in 2016.

Friday, October 31, 2008

End of week ramblings 10/31/08

Happy Halloween!  Good 'ol Biz Markie sends his love...
This is from Nick Jr.'s show "Yo Gabba Gabba!" and it's what you're kids are watching.  So if in 15 years your kids turn out to be really cool, this show is why.  Kinda makes Sesame Street look like a bunch of jackasses. 

You know, everyone has a couple Halloween memories they look back on and have a bit of a laugh at...  For about a 6 year period I went as The Devil - same costume every year, but strange enough - a bit more convincing year after year, I must have grown into the character.  I remember one Halloween as a kid growing up in Cheyenne, I must have been in 3rd Grade cause I was Batman for the holiday.  Halloween in Wyoming means your costume is on the outside of your snowsuit, and if it doesn't fit, then you wear the parts that do.  So this adventure consisted of me in a black ski mask and cape jetting door-to-door in 70 MPH wind gusts.  The cape acted as more of a sail and threw me into ice-laden snow drifts and leaf piles instead of front door mats.  And of course the final halloween excursion was my senior year of high school, yea - we went out with a bang.  My buddy Nate and I ran into an old friend at a house party in a trailer park (where the best/worst Chey-dive house parties/domestic abuse calls/"accidents" always start/finish at).  There were a couple masks in the house so we went out, and since people who hand out candy fear old kids going door-to-door more so than the devil himself, we made out like bandits.  Now, I've got a little one and we're heading out the door tonight to partake in tricks and treats of our own.  She's going as a little witch, with blond moppet hair and missing front teeth.  Best Costume Ever.

Have a great holiday and party your asses off cause it's gonna be a while til Halloween is on a weekend again.  I'll be off hunting zombies of my own with the crew, so I'll tell Shaun and the gang hello for ya.

Have a HAUNTED weekend.  Maharigato.  -H

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Candy feva!!!!!

I gotta admit, I've got a HUGE hankerin' for some candy corn.  Growing up in my house was all about these bad boys:

Brach's Mellowcreme Pumpkins, or what I like to call "The Devils Teets" due to the green stem/nip on top.  I just checked the nutritional content and 6 punkins are 150 calories.  But one serving back in the day was 1 bag.  Mom would actually have to hide them.  The pantry, on top of the cupboards, the vegetable drawer, and in the office were some of her favorite places.  She'd always eat them frozen out of the freezer with a glass of skim milk with ice.  Um... Ew.  Cause skim milk isn't already watered down enough.  

And is it just me or has "Fun Size" candy decreased in actual size since last year?  Are we truly in a Fun recession that we need to cut down on the amount of Fun?  

Do we need to keep an eye out for Mildly Amused Size, Fatigued Size, Blase' Size...  And who's the jerk-ass that came up with the size smaller than Fun Size?  What sick sonofabitch thought it would be funny?  Screw him, I'll eat the whole bag - that'll show him.

It's also probably a good thing that the tradition of Bobbing for Apples is pretty much dead.  There are some sickos trying to make "Bobbing for Razor Blade Apples" and "M&M or Barbiturate?" new party favorites.  

And I was going to dress up as Sarah Palin, but after I ordered the bikini and the gun, I totally changed my mind.  I could just go head-to-toe lycra and be Josh.  Just need the dirt bag mustache...

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

My bad

Never doubt the power of Wikipedia. I got the date wrong on the Bertuzzi/Moore story. See the full story on Wikipedia HERE.  And thanks to Jefffy Jeff for pointing out that I hate fact checking.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

The Good 'Ol Hockey Game

Today marks the 4 year anniversary of when Canucks' Todd Bertuzzi slammed Av's defenseman Steve Moore on the ice during a game in Vancouver.  Here's an old post of mine from my first Av's game after the incident.  And, if you've never heard of "Stompin'" Tom Connors, find his song here and play it in the background as you read this old post of mine from years back.  And to Bertuzzi who's still playing, I'll always have your photo next to my bed...


So Saturday night, I was at the Avalanche game with my pal Andy.  He was lucky enough to score tickets to the game, in some REALLY REALLY good seats.  We were the 2nd row behind the glass, so needless to say I was excited to just be that close to the action.  It's like you're sitting on the bench with the players.  Not only were the seats frickin awesome, but the Avs were playing the Vancouver Canuks.  And depending on your opinion, one of the newer/better rivalries in the NHL, due to the whole Canucks Todd Bertuzzi beatdown on Avs' Steve Moore almost 2 years ago.

So the first period goes by, with all the non stop action, fights and near misses of your typical hockey game.  But it was happening less than 10 feet right in front of us.  GO to re-fill the cocktails and we're back in our seats for the 2nd period.  Again, pretty typical 20 minutes - Canucks get the call on a delayed penalty, their goalie leaves the ice for an extra skater till the touch up.  One of the Avs knocks the puck loose near center ice towards the open goal, going... going... -*TINK*- off the post.  A near miss, and right in front of us...

Enter 2nd intermission...  refill cocktails, back in the seats for the start of the third.  Here's where the action picks up...  Avs forward Dan Hintoe is up for the face off and at the drop of the puck, instead of taking the face off, he throws his stick aside, drops the gloves, picks his man, and the fight starts.  Time on the clock stops at 19:57, and the fists fly.  LOL...  Five for fighting for both and the game continues.

Now since the Bertuzzi-Moore, well let's jsut call it an incident, and Bertuzzi an @$$hole, his games in Denver have been met with the "BOO!"'s of an entire sold out crowd at the Pepsi Center.  You'd be a little tense too with 10's of thousands of people telling you "YOU SUCK" as loud as they can yell it everytime he steps on the ice or touches the puck, but the guy brought it on himself.

Towards the end of the 3rd period, about 13 minutes or so left, Avs are down 3-2.  Both teams line up for a face off in the Vancouver zone, 10 FEET RIGHT IN FRONT OF US AGAIN -*WINK*-, and Bertuzzi has his back right to us.  If the glass wasn't there, I literally could have leapt from where I was sitting to tackle the guy.  Out of nowhere, and over my head, flies this little stacking doll thing they gave at the door when we came in.  It flies over the glass onto the rink in front of us just missing Bertuzzi.  Witthout hesitation he turns around and looks right at Andy and I.  The guy sitting behind me and everyone else in our section starts shouting at Bertuzzi "YOU SUCK," "CRIMINAL," and "GO TO HELL BERTUZZI," you know, that sort of thing.  The NHL official STOPS the game, comes over to talk to the Pepsi Center usher by the glass, while everyone in our section is still screaming at the top of their lungs.  The officials and the ushers are trying to pin it on the guy sitting right behind us, TOTALLY WAS NOT HIM.  The damn thing flew from about 15 rows back and a whole section over, obviously the guy that threw it had a hell of an arm.  When they couldn't figure out right away who threw it, the officals and ushers started pointing fingers at Andy and me!  WTF!  I handed my box that had the giveaway doll still inside it to the usher and told her "Go ahead check it, mine's still in there!"  Then they tried to toss me out cause I was flipping off Bertuzzi.  Yea, I TOTALLY flipped him off, the guy is a jerk.  But if you're gonna kick me out, you might as well toss out every one else in the arena, cause it safe to say, I wasn't the only one flipping the bird last night.  So this goes on for a good five, almost 10 minutes, and they have our section on the JUMBOTRON in the middle of the arena.  I was feeling a little tense arguing with the refs and the ushers, up until the ENTIRE PEPSI CENTER started chanting in unison "BERTUZZI SUCKS."  Then the officials and the ushers knew who was on our side.  The 'suits' at the Pepsi Center go and check the tapes from the TV cameras, (FYI: there wetre double the cameras there last night cause the game was broadcast on both Altitude Sports Net and CBC Hockey Night in Canada, plus that really cool wire cam thing)  The PC suits found the guy that actually threw it, like I said he WAS sitting 15 rows back and a section over from us. 

Yea, crazy.  But the insanity doesn't stop there.

The game finally gets rolling again, now everyone in the arena is insane after the stoppange and chanting.  Carnival type atmosphere, totally loud and nuts.  The Avs score a goal to tie up the game with 7-8 minutes left in the game.  Just as this is happening, two sections to our right now, this 40-something year old man just starts beating the hell out of this other guy, IN THE STANDS!!  FANS, NOT HOCKEY PLAYERS, THE FANS!!!  This scrum in the seats goes on for like 30 seconds until security, aka Pepsi Center Ushers, are diving from the aisle into the middle of the seats to break these guys up.  So now, half the crowd is watching the game on one side, and the entire other half of the crowd is watching this old guy beat the sh*t out of this other guy.  The fight gets broken up and the cops start escorting people up the stairs.  Just so happens it's two young guys with Vancouver Canucks jerseys.  As they're walking out, people in the seats are razzin' them and they talk crap back, then the cop behind them shoves him and he falls down.  HA!!  He gets back up and looks at the cop like "What the..."  It's always funny when it's not you, huh?

So the final seconds of the game tick off the clock, and it's a 3-3 tie.  Going to OT, 4-on-4 for five minutes.  Intense, fast moving and hard hitting for five miuntes, then the horn.  Still a tie after OT.  My favorite rule of the "New NHL" states that if there's a tie after OT, then teams will go into a shootout.  As if the crowd weren't worked into a big enough frenzy already.  To sum it up, Vancouver takes it 1-0 in the shootout and wins the game.

Far and beyond the craziest, intense...  I'm still at a loss for words.